I didn't know that I was going to crack open a book with a main character with severe mental issues.
As a therapist, the sex wasn't gratuitous for me. Each time the main characters came together, it was like the author peeled away another layer of Christian Grey, revealing an emotional cesspool under the cool, handsome CEO exterior. It was through the sexual encounters that we came to know who he was, and the trauma he had endured.
WARNING: There are spoilers below.
In order to talk therapeutically about Fifty Shades, I have to give a few spoilers. If you haven't read the book and intend to, bookmark this page to come back to, read it, and then come back and let me know what you think.
Book One, Fifty Shades of Grey, introduces Anastasia Steele, a virginal soon-to-be college graduate who is forced to interview CEO Christian Grey because her roommate and aspiring journalist got sick and couldn't do it.
The attraction is immediate, though Ana suffers from some self-esteem issues and likens Grey to a demigod who could never be interested in her. In some ways, this instant attraction is reminiscent of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight. Bella is drawn to Edward in the same way Edward is drawn to her. The power differential between them is significant on multiple levels: physical, financial, sexual.
Grey slowly seduces Ana, though it's hardly traditional, and he had a very specific goal in mind: his BDSM world of bondage & discipline, dominance & submission, and sado-masochism. Ana, being a virgin, couldn't be more shocked when Grey pulls out his non-disclosure agreement and contractual agreement (which was quite shocking to me, as well).
Gradually, Ana experiments with being a submissive, though this goes against her personality and even her ideas about relationships. Grey acts dominant even outside of the "playroom," and his choice as dominant clearly reflects who he is.
Until the reader, along with Ana, begins to learn other things about Grey, usually through sex scenes.
- He's got small, circular burns on his chest and back.
- He doesn't want to be touched along his chest and back...at all. This is a hard limit for him.
- He's adopted.
- He has a "thing" about Ana eating all of her meal.
- He was preyed on (Ana actually calls is what it was: child abuse) by an older female dominant when he was 15 and was with her for 7 years.
- He is thankful to this woman for steering him away from the path he was going down.
- He doesn't make love. He "f--ks, and f--ks hard."
- He doesn't do "hearts and flowers."
- He doesn't sleep in the same bed with his submissives, and never has.
- He sees a Dr. Flynn for therapy (Jeannie=giggles in anticipation of couples therapy)
- All his former submissives have dark hair and resemble Ana.
We learn that Ana isn't like his other submissives. Even Grey himself recognizes this, and asks her what spell she is casting on him. What makes Ana so different? Why is Grey even still with her, when she basically shuns the whole contract, negotiations, etc? She frequently angers him by defying him or refusing to give him information he thinks he deserves. It's her anti-submission that forces little cracks to begin to form in Grey's armor.
He goes against many of his own rules, and is better for it. He initiates real love-making (not BDSM) with Ana to take her virginity, which is a first for him. He admires Ana's debating skills, and her penchant for sending witty emails. He ends up staying the night in the same bed with her a few times...and sleeps better for it.
I went straight from Book One to Book Two, Fifty Shades Darker, mainly because EL James leaves the reader on a major cliffhanger. Ana has a taste of Grey's true dominant self, and let's just say that taste is more than enough for her.
In Book Two, we see Grey begin to experiment with the "hearts and flowers." It's all new to him, just like Book One was all new to Ana. It's turnabout. We're all rooting for Grey to overcome his internal demons, and it looks like he's making strides. We see him mark boundaries for where Ana can touch him with a tube of hooker-red lipstick. He struggles through experimental touch in his forbidden zone (chest). He gradually draws away from the BDSM contract and non-disclosure agreement, and asks her to move in with him, so staying in the same bed is a given. The "playroom" takes on a different meaning for them both.
His therapist makes a few cameos, and Ana even gets to talk to Dr. Flynn about Grey (which was well done). We learn that Grey has made more progress with Ana in 3 weeks than Flynn has made in 2 years. There is hope for a future for these two, for a healing for Grey, and it's that hope that keeps you reading well past the time to go to bed.
If you plan on reading this book, keep what I wrote earlier in mind: the sex scenes are the keys to unlocking the mysterious Christian Grey.
Kudos to EL James for a most provocative look into BDSM and the effects of childhood trauma.
Let's Analyze: Have you read the book? If you have, do you agree with my assessment? If you haven't (and you actually read all the way down...sorry for you), do you still want to?
Logging you in...
Katrina S. Forest · 665 weeks ago
"In some ways, this instant attraction is reminiscent of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight. Bella is drawn to Edward in the same way Edward is drawn to her."
One of the complaints I usually hear about the book is that its origins as a Twilight fanfiction are so obvious that it's simply not an original piece of work. That the characters are simply Edward and Bella in an alternate universe with their names changed.
I'm curious what your take on this is.
katieganshert 27p · 665 weeks ago
Jessica Nelson · 665 weeks ago
Ramona · 665 weeks ago
Unfortunately, it IS a fantasy. The reality is that the bad boy almost always leaves, and the dominant isn't the tragic figure who just needs the right love.
Clar · 665 weeks ago
Tracy Krauss · 665 weeks ago
Clar · 665 weeks ago
K. Dawn · 665 weeks ago
I found this post interesting because I was unaware that there was a psychological slant to the book. Even though all things mental health interest me, I don't think I'll take this one on.
JoeSmith · 665 weeks ago
Thank you for the insight.
Stacy A · 665 weeks ago
Ellen M. Gregg · 665 weeks ago
rachelwilderwrites 8p · 665 weeks ago
Your perspective on it here is quite interesting to me. I've lived the typical sheltered Christian life, up to three years ago nothing bad had ever happened to me, no abuse of any kind, strong Christian home where I know without doubt how much my parents love me.
And yet, broken characters are the norm for me. Ones who've been abused in the worst possible ways. I'm writing a space opera right now and my hero is a slave (in the traditional sense of the word, and in his backstory and a previous relationship he didn't mind being thought of in the other sense of the word). He's falling in love with the woman who owns him and she's been threatened. He's allowing that person to dominate and abuse him in order to keep her safe.
I knew there had to be more to this than just BDSM erotica. That alone does not explain 10 million copies and counting. Knowing there's a real psychological component to the growth of the characters makes me even more willing to give it a shot. Sheltered though I've been, knowing about BDSM and knowing details doesn't bother me.
jenniferkhale 17p · 665 weeks ago
Christine Hardy · 665 weeks ago
beckybraveheart 21p · 665 weeks ago
This is not condemnation, nor is it pointing fingers, not is is censorious, nor is it judgement. This is what I believe in my heart to be truth.
I'm posting a whole series on the concept of "inspirational fiction" and wrote yesterday about the blurry line of sex. Granted, this book isn't labeled "Inspirational Fiction" but the fact that so many believers ARE reading it and ARE claiming that it's got worth, and ARE trying to come up with good reasons to justify reading it (think PLAYBOY - because of the articles...), I feel like some of my thoughts apply to this.
In fact, these aren't my thoughts, they're Charles H. Spurgeon's. This is one of his devotionals that I based my recent post on:
“Only you must not go very far away.” Exodus 8:28 “‘Yes,’ says the world, ‘be spiritually minded by all means, but do not deny yourself a little friendship with the world, the odd journey to Vanity Fair. What’s the good of denouncing this empty lifestyle when it is so fashionable and everybody does it?”
Spurgeon goes on to say, “Worldly wisdom recommends the path of compromise and talks of ‘moderation.’ According to this carnal policy, purity is admitted to be very desirable, but we are warned against being too precise; truth is of course to be followed, but error is not to be severely denounced.“
My take? You see, the truth is that carnality, the “odd journey to Vanity Fair,” (the reading of 50 Shades of Grey, or even the attempt to find a good reason to justify reading it) is IN REALITY the fulfillment of a lie. Gratuitous sex only brings shallow and short-lived satisfaction, not deep fulfillment. Beauty and physical charm are delightful, but not measures of the quality of love. It is UNREALISTIC to believe that giving in to lust and giving up self-control is beneficial for any relationship – it is purely self-gratification and only leads to division. Indulgence brings dissatisfaction, not peace.
This book is a lie and too many people are looking for ways to turn it into truth. It is NOT good for your sex life. It is NOT good writing. It is NOT one woman's road to self-discovery. It is NOT a fairytale. It is a lie.
Readers, beware of this VERY DANGEROUS journey to Vanity Fair. You will not come back unscathed.
Lucy · 665 weeks ago
The following link is to a rather explicit review of the book. I'm including it, because I think the author makes an incredibly good point with this:
http://therumpus.net/2012/05/the-trouble-with-pri...
"When considering the overwhelming popularity of this trilogy, we cannot simply dismiss the flaws because the books are fun and the sex is hot. The damaging tone has too broad a reach. That tone reinforces pervasive cultural messages women are already swallowing about what they should tolerate in romantic relationships, about what they should tolerate to be loved by their Prince Charming (see: Chris Brown).
Fifty Shades of Grey is a fairy tale. There’s a man and a woman, and an obstacle that eventually they are able to overcome. There is a happily ever after, but the price exacted is terribly high. It is frightening to consider how many women might be willing to pay that price."
Mary Aalgaard · 665 weeks ago
Stacy A · 665 weeks ago
I know that God asks us to come out and be separate, and that He also requires that we be holy, even as He is holy. I know that Jesus' blood is what makes us holy enough for Heaven, but aren't we supposed to be living that holiness now? Of course, I'm nowhere near as holy as I need to be (and despite my tone, I'm really not "holier than thou," either). There are lots of things I need to work on. I just think we have boundaries we shouldn't cross, and to me, reading this kind of thing is one of those boundaries.
I don't know ... again, maybe it's more a case of "everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial." But we do need to be aware of how our actions can harm others who look to us for guidance on how to live.
beckybraveheart 21p · 665 weeks ago
This is a link to an article that's being posted around the internet and I wanted to share it with you since you are a therapist and are attempting to present this in a clinical way.
http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-artic...
This is one of the points Dannah Gresh makes that directly relates to your debate:
"The Bible has said for thousands of years that lust is hurtful and harmful. Guess what? Biopsychologists and others are studying the effects of lust, pornography, and erotica on the brain and the body. They are finding that the Bible was, in fact, right. Over time, your body becomes conditioned to self-stimulation and gratification. It’s not just a preference. It’s physiological. The lust cuts a literal pathway in your brain tissue that’s kind of like a rut. A rut you better be prepared to get stuck in."
I had no intention of adding to what I said earlier - you replied to my comment like this: "I hope that people don't take away from my post that I'm trying to justify having read it." However, your responses to most of the reader comments AGAINST reading the book actually indites you as one who IS absolutely justifying it. Not once did you DISCOURAGE your followers from reading this book. You did not give one reason why people should NOT read it, only reasons why it IS okay, even beneficial, to read it.
So as a Christian therapist, why are you surprised by the back lash? Those who are willing to PUBLICLY stand firm on this subject are calling it what it is: indulgence in sin. Of course there's a "poignant story" under the sex! That's the tool the devil gives us to justify reading it! Why? Because he knows we need a reason to justify sin in our lives.
Jeannie, in response to the backlash, maybe you should consider saying a few things AGAINST this book, AGAINST the psychological damage that it will cause, AGAINST the blows it will inflict on people's relationships with Christ. I think this is a great opportunity for you to do something wild for the Kingdom. Surprise us debaters with the other side of the coin. The world is doing everything it can to justify gratuitous sex - lets take a stand against it and promote sex the way God intended it to be. I totally believe in you and your heart and covering this whole debate in prayer.
jeanniecampbell 76p · 665 weeks ago
after reading a link posted by another commenter, i do want to do a post on how damaging the book could be to those reading it with the wrong frame of mind. so that would be a post on the "other side of the coin," so to speak. i hope you'll pop back over for it. :)
michellesutton 13p · 662 weeks ago
me3 · 598 weeks ago
Anonymous Therapist · 578 weeks ago
Mag · 557 weeks ago
Lindsay · 548 weeks ago