Dear Jeannie: Paralyzed Athletes and Raising Clones

Dear Jeannie,
Evan was an athlete fresh out of high-school, and he had high hopes of being an Olympic runner. But he is involved in a hit-and-run accident that leaves him paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheelchair, probably for life. Pretty much all of his dreams and his life up until that point have been crushed; what do you think his immediate reaction would be? How long would any shock from this stick around?
Thank you,
Olympic Runner 


Dear Olympic Runner,

Man, you're cruel, aren't you? :) Athletes who suffer serious injuries are particularly difficult to treat. They are groomed their entire lives to reach certain goals, and when those goals are suddenly and tragically unable to physically be met, it's devastating. His immediate reaction will be shock and disbelief, of course. He'll probably be in denial about the extent of his injuries and will hold on to the belief that he'll walk again, etc. When it become apparent through the passing of time that you're not going to give him a miracle, he'll begin the intermediate stages of grief at that point (depression, mainly). Your specific question as to how long can't be answered, not definitively. Grief is so individualized to each person. But I'd go on a limb to say that the shock could last anywhere from a few days to a week or longer. Denial, however, can last much longer. Athletes just don't want to give up. It's in their blood.


Dear Jeannie,

Mel is in her thirties, working on a top secret space exploration program when a six year old clone of herself shows up. Since there isn't anyone else to take the girl, she is pressured by her sister and boss, who was adopted at a similar age and is very close to Mel, to take her as a daughter. Previously Mel had wanted children and had been the one that would always help someone in need, especially kids, but now she doesn't want anything to do with the girl. What would cause this kind of reaction?

Thanks very much,
Sci Fi Stuck 


Dear Sci Fi Stuck,

Kudos for such a weird, fascinating plot! Since I love brainstorming, here goes: My best guess would be that the girl reminds Mel of things she'd rather leave buried. Childhood can be traumatic for so many reasons, and having to relive it through this little clone might be too much for her. Perhaps the girl makes Mel feel weak and helpless, a being to be enacted upon rather than a strong, top-secret exploration program insider. Maybe the girl embarrasses her by innocently revealing insecurities that maybe still cling to Mel's emotional interior. It could be that the weirdo factor is too high...raising yourself? I'm so curious where you go with this. Hopefully this is helpful in giving you some place to start.

Got Questions?

Leave a comment below, using monikers like Sleepless in Seattle or Terrified in Texas, and I'll answer your questions in a future Dear Jeannie column.

A Therapist's Take on Silver Linings Playbook

I saw Silver Linings Playbook over the weekend, and I have to say....this is one movie that gripped me start to finish. Excellent acting and real-to-life portrayal of life with mental illness.

Bradley Cooper astonished me. Until now, I've always thought of him as the quintessential  good-looking romcom actor, but he proved himself with this flick.

Don't read any further if you don't want a few spoilers!

Here is a synopsis if you want to reacquaint yourself with the movie.

The Good

1) Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, and Robert DeNiro blow the acting out of the water. 

All three suffer from significant mental illnesses (Cooper has bipolar, Lawrence is a reformed sex addict with recurring bouts of depression, and DeNiro has a serious gambling problem combined with OCD-like superstition. When they first meet, Cooper and Lawrence share a funny, yet inappropriate, dinner conversation about the types of medications they have taken. Cooper has no filter on what he says, and combined with Lawrence's reckless, brash, and devil-may-care attitude, they make quite the pair.

2) The family dynamics are so true to life of families dealing with mental illness.

Cooper's older brother is the "good" son, the overachiever. He rubs his successes in his brother's face at their very first meeting after Cooper gets out of the mental hospital. Cooper's mother checks him out right after his 8 months is over, against doctor's advice, and brings him home. She enables not only her son's issues, but also her husband's. DeNiro is amazing as the superstitious bookmaking (gambling) father, and he shamelessly feeds his addiction by using his Cooper and putting him situations he's not ready for.

3) There is a great mix of laugh-out-loud and gut-wrenching moments.

The dance competition that Cooper agrees to be a part of with Lawrence is just one of the funniest scenes I've ever witnessed. Their attempt at a "dirty dancing" style life ends with her crotch in his face for several moments. Great big belly laughs! There's also another hysterically dysfunctional scene when DeNiro is negotiating the biggest gamble of his life and the scene is so chaotic and loud...it's just something you don't want to miss.

On the other hand, it's so sad to realize that Cooper walked in on his wife, snapped, and nearly killed someone. The song that was playing while his wife had the affair is a constant trigger for him, and he goes into a rage when he hears it. When Cooper goes off his meds, thinking he's doing better, he had a breakdown that wakes up the entire neighborhood. It had me and my therapist friend holding our hands over our mouths, totally wrapped up in the drama.

The Bad

The therapist would lose his license in real life.

Not sure how the the author of the book portrayed the therapist, but in the flick, he behaves unethically. He plays the song that triggers Cooper while he's in the waiting room, an uncontrolled environment. Cooper loses it and scares everyone in the waiting room, and the therapist just says, "I wanted to see if it was still a problem for you." WHAT? If a therapist was going to do something like this, it would be in session where no one would be in harm's way.

The therapist runs into Cooper at an Eagles game and tells him that on that day, they aren't therapist and client, but "brothers." I get that he's referring to rooting for the same side in a sports competition, but you are always in a therapeutic relationship with a client...no matter where you are. You're never friends.

Perhaps the most damning thing he does is go to Cooper's house after they all get arrested at the game for fighting. The therapist is there while the very dysfunctional scene ensues with DeNiro and the gambling, and stands by while his client is placed in a horrible situation as part of a parlay of the bet. He says nothing. He attends the dance competition and gives the whole incredibly unstable betting thing his silent seal of approval. In all honesty, he should lose his license.

Let's Analyze

As you can see, the good far outweighs the bad! Go see this film if you haven't already. If you have seen the film, what did you think of it? Wasn't the acting amazing?

3 Common Misconceptions About Eating Disorders

Today you're in for a treat. Singer-songwriter Christa Black is guest-posting on an issue near and dear to her heart. She's recently written a new book, God Loves Ugly, which released September 4th, which chronicles her struggle to find personal peace in the face of insecurity, self-hatred, sexual abuse, depression, and eating disorders.

I haven't posted much on eating disorders, so I hope you find an insider's look as interesting as I did. So welcome Christa! Take it away.

For over two decades, my life was haunted by a devastating food addiction.  If you’re enslaved to food or know someone who is, here are some common misconceptions that are essential to learning for freedom to become a reality.

#1.  Oh, they must think they're fat.

When I binged for the first time at 8-years-old after stumbling onto late night porn down at a friends house, I guarantee you, the last thing I was thinking about was my weight.  Shoveling football player sized portions into my mouth wasn't about my body.  I was numbing an ache in my heart that needed a quick fix.  Controlling the amount of food I let in was just about the only thing I could control in an unpredictable world that punched at me without warning.  

I couldn't control the sexual abuse that had happened outside the home.  
I couldn't control the cruel things that came out of kids' mouths at school.
I couldn't control my freckles, red hair, and the reflection I hated in the mirror.
But I could control food.

Later in life, when the weight began to pile on after years of binging, I would have told you that my anorexia, bulimia, and overeating were about feeling fat.  But in reality, the problem wasn't my reflection.  It was my perception.  I truly believed, more than I believed the sky was blue, that I was unworthy of love.  So every time I looked in the mirror through the lens of those beliefs, what I saw was never enough, no matter how thin, perfect, or beautiful I became.

So yes, people with eating disorders believe that they're fat.  But the real problem is, they believe they're unlovable the way that they are.    

#2.  Eating disorders are just about food

Anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive eating aren't really about food.  Food just happens to be the closest drug able to numb the pain inside.  

Every heart needs one precious substance to live and thrive--LOVE.  Just turn on the radio or television for ten minutes to see what the world is longing for, or go read a book about baby brain science.  We thrive in atmospheres of affection.  When you don't get the love you need, or when it's perverted and cruel, you find counterfeits.  Why?  Because you weren't made to be empty.  These counterfeits can be anything from food, alcohol, and drugs to perfectionism, people-pleasing, and sex.  Anything that fills the heart, temporarily appeasing the ache inside, is a counterfeit affection.  The problem is, these 'fixes' are never enough, which means you have to keep going back for more.

Eating disorders, or any substance abuse for that matter, are just symptoms that a heart needs deeper healing.  

#3  You can never be completely free from an eating disorder once you've had one.

When my therapist told me I'd have the tools to "manage my addiction" but that I'd never be free from it, I got angry.  I refused to believe that because things had happened that were outside of my control--bad things, painful things--that it was just my lot in life to suffer forever and that I would never enjoy freedom and peace.

I didn't want tools to just get by.  I wanted freedom.

And I found it.

Whatever your religious orientation, I believe more than anything that the nature of God is unconditional love.  That means, you can't earn it, perform for it, be good enough for it, or lose it.  It's always there and never leaves based on your behaviors.  When I started allowing God and His unconditional love into the most shameful places of my past--the places I believed were unlovable--I began to heal.  I began to change.  

We all behave according to what we believe, so when my beliefs changed, my behaviors change.  I didn't have to go after the food or the addiction anymore.  I was being loved and believed I was lovable, so there was no need to fill myself with something that didn't love me back.  

Food addiction, self-hatred, people-pleasing, perfectionism--they're all becoming distant memories for me.  I live my life to receive love in the ugly places, and beauty keeps rising from the ashes.  

No matter what you're struggling with or how impossible it seems to ever be free, I promise you,  you can be changed.  You can be healed.  You can be free.


Christa Black is a popular blogger, speaker, and singer-songwriter whose songs have been recorded by multi-platinum-selling artists Jordin Sparks and Michael W. Smith.  She has toured with The Jonas Brothers, Michael W. Smith, and Israel Houghton.  After years of battling depression, addiction, and a chronically broken spirit, Christa was radically shaken by a God who truly loves ugly.  She lives in Nashville, Tennessee, with her husband and son.  God Loves Ugly is her first book and corresponds with her CD, God Loves Ugly. Visit Christa’s site to learn more and read the first chapter! http://christablack.com/book/


Thanks so much for this post, Christa! I hope your book reaches individuals in a mighty way for the Lord and invokes a change in their lives that can only be explained my Him.

Let's Analyze

Did you learn anything about eating disorders that you didn't know?

The "Dark Passenger" of Writers

Most of you Dexter fans recognize the reference in the post title, but for those who aren't familiar with the show, I'll fill you in with a few research-supported facts:

• Writers have a higher mortality rate (Cassandro, 1998; Kaufman, 2003; Kaun, 1991; Ludwig, 1995)

•  Fiction writers (and poets) have a higher suicidal rate compared to other writers (Preti & Miotto, 1999)

• Writers have a shorter life span than other occupations (Cassandro, 1998; Kaun, 1991; Ludwig, 1995)

• Writers have a higher rate of mental illness, with particular tendency toward bipolar and other affective disorders (Andreasen, 1987)

I included references for those who might not believe me be interested in further research. 

These findings beg the question WHY. There are a couple of reasons, but the biggest two are below:

1) Dysphoric Rumination

This is psychologese for thinking depressive thoughts over and over. The thoughts become absorbing, self-perpetuating and definitely tax the creative process. Writers, by virtue of our profession, have to go through the process of revision. If a writer has a tendency to pull from his or her own inner turmoil (and come on, who of us don't do this?) and write about it, then when going through the revision process, we are in essence ruminating on our distress and anguish. Makes sense, doesn't it?

The health benefits of writing (which will be discussed in a later post) are undermined when we creatively write about the troubles of our life. Don't get me wrong, our torment can make for fantastic, interesting stories. But it's no secret that the seminal masterpieces of many authors/poets were their last published work.

2) External Locus of Control

I did a post just a few short weeks ago about locus of control (along with a writer's quiz to determine if you have internal or external locus of control [LOC]). If a person has a high external LOC, they believe that external forces are primarily responsible for the circumstances in their life.

In a very real way, writers who score high with external LOC are like rats in a "Skinner box." They believe they have very little control, have lots of anxiety, not knowing when the use of their services will expire or whether they will receive positive reinforcement like a food pellet (publication, landing an agent, winning a contest) or a negative reinforcement like electric shock (editorial/agent rejection, bad review, no new contract).

Let's Analyze: Do you think these researchers are on to something? Do you feel that authors who draw from their own internal well of pain and suffering are at a disadvantage when it comes to the inevitable revision process? Have you ever thought about it?

Treatment Tuesday - Wearing Masks

I really appreciate all the emails I've gotten of late for character therapy! I'll be answering them in the order in which they came. Today’s assessment comes from Susanne, and focuses on the hero from her WIP, Luke,* a 26-year-old living in 1818 in Britain. (Finally got a man to work with!) ☺

So I’ll jump right to it with Luke’s backstory. This is a time of rigid class structures as well as the “golden age” of smuggling. Luke’s father is Scottish and his mother the daughter of a English duke. At 11, he goes to a British boarding school where he is made fun of for his Scottish brogue. Luke buries the accent, but also learns how to be a good fighter defending himself (i.e., quite the chip on his shoulder). This chip gets even bigger when, at 20, he learns his childhood sweetheart married his brother.

Six years later, Luke has found God and is working for the Revenue Service as a secret agent (read: a spy). In order to do this, he’s had to bury all his aristocratic upbringing and hang out with lowlifes, trying to bring down the brains behind the smuggling operations. He wants to escape his “double life,” but he has to bring down one really bad guy first. But the heroine gets in the way of this final case inadvertently, forcing Luke to accompany her back to London for the Season, essentially as a bodyguard. This means he has to reacquaint himself with a society, manners, and eventually a love he has been without for years.

*Names have been changed to protect the fictional.

Extensive history, I know…but imperative to understanding Luke’s psyche. Here are Susanne’s questions: How would compartmentalizing parts of a self damage a person? How would the buried parts of one manifest themselves? How easy would it be to slip up? He's pretended to be someone else for so long...what if he's that new person now, and can't find himself anymore?

Susanne and I emailed a bit about Luke, and my first impressions were this: Luke’s probably a very angry guy. All that childhood trauma and heartache would be hard to get over. And then he wears a mask as a spy for six long years. I reworded Susanne’s question this way: What damage occurs inwardly when you wear a mask for so long you lose sight of what you look like underneath?

Ah, now that’s something every reader should be able to identify with…wearing masks. I gave Susanne permission to steal that metaphor, because it does speak to us today. Pretending to be something or someone we’re not is hard work, both physically (for Luke, since he’s like a 19th century version of a Navy SEAL), emotionally and mentally. I’d probably diagnose Luke with Dysthymia Disorder, which is like a low-grade depression present for over two years.

Luke is the opposite of integrated; he’s disintegrated. He’s not in touch with all the parts of himself. This happens in real life frequently, but oftentimes goes unnoticed. Luke, however, notices and doesn’t like it. The old adage of “If you don’t use it, you lose it,” could ring true for him. After six years, it’s likely that he doesn’t remember some social graces when he tries to reenter society. He’ll have a few gauche moments. He’ll have to retrain himself, which will be frustrating and angering. The buried parts of himself will reawaken, but this will be painful. To reintegrate—take off the mask—is uncomfortable. He might abhor his mask as a spy, but in truth, it’s like a comfy old shoe. (Think Man in the Iron Mask when Leonardo is freed of the mask, but still puts it on when he doesn’t think anyone would see him.) Luke might even resent the heroine for being so at ease in an environment he’s not. He’ll probably treat her gruffly, especially since she got in the way of his freedom from being a spy and sent him headfirst into a society he had forgotten. Standoffish would be realistic, angry even more so.

Dysthymic Disorder has some other symptoms that go hand-in-hand with it. Luke might also suffer from insomnia (too little sleep) or hypersomnia (too much). Some other symptoms and how they could play out in Luke’s life would be a poor appetite – he could only eat to stay strong, low self esteem – maybe he thinks he’s not cut out for polite society anymore, poor concentration – his thoughts could be jumbled…when working he wants to be free and when in society he just wants to be working, and feelings of hopelessness – he’ll never be free.

So hopefully you learned a little about Dysthymic Disorder as well as how wearing a mask could lead to a depressive disorder like I’ve diagnosed Luke with. ☺

This service is for fictional characters only, so any resemblance to real life examples is entirely coincidental. Any other fictional character assessment questions can be directed to charactertherapist@hotmail.com.