Dear Jeannie: Shock Value and Abandoned Teens

Dear Jeannie,

Oliver (aged 17) is – how should I put this – odd. He does things to intentionally make people feel uncomfortable. For instance, on the day that he met his only friend (a quiet, distant, and eccentric girl), Oliver ran a plastic knife across his throat, then coughed fake blood. His father killed his mother, so he obviously has a troubled past. His school therapist calls him mentally disturbed and unstable. I honestly have no idea if his behavior is realistic at all, and if it is, what could he be diagnosed with, and how would he interact with people?

Sincerely,
Unable to Diagnose 


Dear Unable to Diagnose,

There are people out there who love to go for shock value, and the more uncomfortable the reaction from others, the more it feeds into this behavior. He's more into the macabre, slitting his throat and coughing blood. If it's remotely realistic looking, then he's going to get an intense reaction. This would appear to be mentally unstable, but I don't know a lot about Oliver at this time. He might have a very good reason for doing what he's doing. Did he have a lot of attention growing up? Was he always told to blend into the background, that children are better seen, not heard? Would this be a reaction against this? As for diagnosis, he could have a simple adjustment disorder, depending on when his mother died or if something else traumatic had just happened. Does he have flashbacks to his father's murder of his mother? You haven't really given me enough to diagnose from. But while I haven't met or treated any personally, there are class clowns, if you will, who lean toward the darker side of comedy...so it's feasible. But we'd need to talk more.


Dear Jeannie -

Alice and her four companions are all around the age of 13-15 years old. They have been abandoned in a science facility, left there by the scientists who decided to look out for themselves rather than take care of kids. They are the only ones left who aren't dead already. They experience bouts of going hungry because there is nothing to eat, and fighting for survival in hopes of exiting the facility. They finally are rescued after about a month of living there. What would be the emotional repercussions for the abandonment, isolation, responsibility, and fear placed on these kids?  

SciFi Junkie


Dear SciFi Junkie,

What wouldn't be the emotional repercussions? The sky would be your only limitation. I'd believe that lack of trust would rank high on the list. Adults used and abused them as test experiments and then left them. Assuming that it's adults who find them, I'd believe that they would be mistrustful to a high degree. They'd also want to stick together, likely, even if they had arguments between themselves. This type of trauma could form an impenetrable bond between these teens. It's something they went through together, and understand together. They might be hoarders, constantly sneaking and stuffing food into pockets, not quite sure when they will see food again. This is survival mode. Some of the group would likely be more parental than the others. They'd show a large amount of caretaking, keeping law and order, etc. Others are going to be the rebellious acting out type. Think The Breakfast Club.  People assume roles that they think they are to assume. Leaders need followers and rule-breakers, etc. It's a broad question, for sure, and you have lots of room to run with it.

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Dear Jeannie: Hallucinations and Angels

Dear Jeannie, 

Susan is a good girl, who survived the 60's without falling into drugs or too much social revolution. Mostly because the Dark Woman in the corner didn't like her leaving the house. Susan has enough crazy going on already in her family's home of locked doors and midnight fights, she doesn't need any new hallucinations. But she's come to a point where reality is pretty mixed up, which has led to her being institutionalized for an undiagnosed disorder (not schizophrenia, but close) in the spring of '71. What are some of the treatment options available for her? I'd like for her to get better, but a part of that healing will also involve an attraction to one of her doctors. I'd like for this to be mutual, but right now she's doing a lot of pacing, insomnia, and writing down the Dark Woman's orders so she can tear up the pages. Not mainstream appealing. What boundaries should I be careful of, to make sure that the healing and the relationship both remain stable and healthy? 

Caged in Connecticut


Dear Caged,

Some clarification would be needed to address this question. Is the Dark Woman indeed a hallucination? Does Susan actually see an apparition in the corner of her home? Hear this person talk to her and give orders? Or is this Dark Woman a part of Susan's own self? I'm trying to determine if she actually as dissociative identity disorder (which would have been called multiple personality disorder back then) rather than schizophrenia. However, assuming that she's just hearing and seeing the Dark Woman, as a hallucination, then she'd be institutionalized at the early 70s with schizophrenia, not an undiagnosed disorder. After some cursory research online, as schizophrenia in the 70s is not my specialty (lol!), I found a research paper in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry that discussed on page 160 [second full paragraph] an innovative method started in the 70s to treat schizophrenia that your doctor might just be a proponent of. Let me know what you think! He could be slipping her fish oil tablets to get better....


Dear Jeannie: 

In my book that I started years ago, and have worked on in an on-again, off-again fashion, I have dealt with an angel coming to check on the emotional health of angels who now live on earth. We discussed the main characters way back in the summer of 2009 (June/July time frame). One of the things my angel therapist has to do is counsel a human woman who is a school teacher who becomes involved both emotionally and physically with one of her students. This has been in the news several times, and I decided to make it part of the plot of my book. Can you help guide me with how you would provide therapy to this kind of woman, or at least point me to one of your blog posts that have dealt with this issue? I would be most appreciative. 

"Fictional Counselor"


Dear "Fictional Counselor,"

I remember the plot well. Thought it a most interested twist on angels. You didn't mention the age difference between the teacher and the student, but perhaps that is only secondary to the nature of your question. A few topics come to mind that I'd want to tackle with this woman, namely self-esteem, co-dependency, and healthy boundaries. I'm never surprised when poor decisions are trace back to low self-esteem and confidence. Likely, you'd have to have the angel therapist dig into the teacher's background. How did her dad treat her? Was her mom complicit in this treatment? I'd
probably do some transactional analysis stuff with her (look on my sidebar for all my posts dealing with that subject). The teacher received her view of men initially from her dad. Perhaps, if she had an abusive father, a younger male student was seen as less threatening, someone she could control and not be afraid of. These are just a few of the areas that I'd start with and I'd want to use talk therapy with her, perhaps some artistic pursuits to bring out the creative side of communication. I always let clients decide where we go, so it's a bit unusual of a question, but that's where my initial thoughts went. Hope that helps! Good luck.

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Dear Jeannie: Young Adults Changing Life Trajectories

Dear Jeannie,

Airi watched most of her village get slaughtered. Those with silver eyes like her were spared, only to be tortured to death by the sadistic soldiers at the order of the Emperor. Airi saw her mother die this way. Airi was on her way to the same fate when she was rescued. Airi was a gentle young woman who loved people and helped them where she could. She was even training to become a healer. Airi was a strong, independent woman. Would something like this turn her into someone who was no longer self reliant? Would it be plausible for her to turn from a gentle healer into someone who would kill others like the soldiers who destroyed her village and tortured her with her healing skills? Would she have trust issues with those who rescued her? Thanks for the help.

Airi's sadistic author 


Dear Sadistic,

Its hard enough to grieve the loss of someone you love, much less to watch them die. Add the context of her mother's death, and the pending doom of a similar reality, and all bets are off. I guess what I'm saying is that you could have her go either way: maintaining her independence, fiercely protective of it, remembering what it was like to be in captivity and to be fearful all the time, determined not to be so again. Or you could have her grow angry and bitter at her circumstances, and possibly seek retribution for for the evils she endured (think Linda Hamiliton in Terminator 2). Sometimes these individuals are so cunning that they relish the opportunity to use the same weapons against their enemies that were used against them. I don't think she'd have trust issues with her rescuers though. Of all you wrote, that seemed the most improbable. When you are in a life and death situation and someone rescues you, you'd be more likely to be grateful for the salvation, not suspicious. Hope this helps!


Dear Jeannie,

Davin lives, eats, sleeps, breathes his squire training. Every decision this young man makes is oriented towards becoming a strong and capable knight. Until he goes home for the summer, for the first time in about five years. His parents let slip that he's betrothed to the king's daughter. Putting two and two together, Davin is pretty sure this means he has somehow become heir apparent for the throne. He knows the princess, and even likes her, but this is not part of his plan. As a 13-year-old, how is he going to process this information? My plot calls for him to make a new plan about this--at a fairly adult level--but I'm not sure he's at a point where he can think through the steps and consequences necessary to get where he's going. He's a stubborn, sincere boy who loves order and dislikes deviating from a tested, proven method or structure. (The princess in question is a strong-willed rule-breaker with an impulse-control problem, though Davin has found that she redirects her energy in healthy channels when he supports her unconventional goals.) Can this boy get from childhood to adulthood with his plans intact, or will he allow someone else to choose his future?

Courtly in Cornwall 

Dear Courtly,

At age 13, this young boy should be more interested in social relationships that you've indicated he is. Perhaps he's not into girls yet enough to want to give up his plans, but then I'd definitely make his knight training a tight-knit cohort of young men, because that's the stage of psychosocial development he's in. If in your story world you've normed 13-year-olds being betrothed, then he should react in the typical fashion. But for someone so driven to be a knight, he might definitely be irritated. In his push to fit in to a group of people. he might have defaulted to the knight trainees as his "peeps." But I just didn't get a sense of why he's so motivated to be a knight. Most young boys just want to play and goof around. Yes, he'd be trying to figure out who he is and what he wants to do. He'd want to establish his role as a knight, and participate in all the activities knights-in-training do. He might even see the princess as some sort of project to channel his abilities into (like he's trying to salvage her from being so headstrong but learns something from her in the process...that there's life to live out there). I'd welcome additional question if you'd lile to dialogue about this. Good luck!

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Dear Jeannie: Meningitis Fears

Dear Jeannie,

My character had a case of meningitis at the age of ten, in which he lost his hearing. Since then he has felt the reality of his mortality, and fears engaging in seemingly risky situations. The loss of his hearing also concerns him; He attempts to hide his hearing aids with a hat that he never removes. Seeing as he had done nothing to cause the Meningitis in the first place, is it reasonable that he should be fearful? He is still young, so could it be a case of ‘old fears dying hard’?
 
Thank you,
Bothersome Caution in British Columbia


Dear Bothersome Caution,

A kid who is ten years old is just entering into the stage of psychosocial development where their peer group is becoming more important. He likely wants to hide his differences (hearing aids) so that he fits in better. So that's totally realistic and understandable. As for his fear, there is something more fearful about things out of our control than things in our control. We can rationalize that we could have done something different which would have changed outcomes, but for something like being struck with meningitis...that's the luck of the draw. That makes his outcome on life very unpredictable. I think it makes sense that he'd be cautious, living by a set of rules that he adopted early on as a way to cope with his circumstances. (This would especially be true if his parents reinforced a certain hypervigilance in their attempts to keep him safe.) Anyway, hope that this helps you out. Thanks for writing in!

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Dear Jeannie: Medieval Courting and Mistaken Twin

Dear Jeannie,

Arianne grew up in a very restricted convent until family obligations dragged her back to the real world to get married. And though her education was wholesome and chaste, her family's history is full of intrigue and manipulation. Arianne can hold her own with the best of them. She is fortunate enough to have some say about whom she chooses to marry. When he finds out the extent of the skeletons in her closet, he leaves. Arianne has no second choice in mind, nor any interest in managing her family without her chosen spouse at her side, but wishing and waiting won't get him back. For her to chase him down and court him will break a lot of their medieval social taboos. How can this convent-bred girl romance a man who already knows the worst thing she's ever done?

Hunting in Hoosierville


Dear Hunting,

Arianne would need to show a side of herself that he's never seen. Something about herself that would throw the "worse thing she's ever done" into sharp relief, making this new side almost be unbelievable. People have both good and bad in them. Yin and yang. She's more than the sum of her family's background of manipulation. However, she might end up turning to a bit of manipulation to land him back in her arms, which could be the heralding of your black moment toward the end of the book. Romance can look very different, depending on the giver and the recipient. She'd need to know what melts his heart, and whether she held any sway over him (and how) prior to him finding out the extent of her skeletons. You didn't mention whether they stayed married after he left, as I'd imagine that would also be a blow to her convent-bred ways. Did he leave b/c he was overwhelmed? B/c he couldn't see them being together?  B/c of moral opposition to what her family had done? Did he love her at all? Answers to these questions would definitely enlighten how she'd go about wooing him back. Thanks for writing in!


Dear Jeannie,

Twin girls are born into a family, only there is no punchline to this joke's beginning. Alyssa and Eva are fraternal twins but can be VERY hard to tell apart. Growing up, Alyssa never minded that Eva went left every time Alyssa chose right. They were different people, what was wrong with that? So Alyssa stayed calm in the face of Eva's many tantrums and rebellions. Until one of Eva's wild friends mistook Alyssa for her sister, attacking her and abandoning the family to cope with an unplanned pregnancy. The family's response is to send Alyssa away to have the baby, so some of their love and grace towards Alyssa is tempered by rejection. She hadn't exactly crafted her identity around being the opposite of her troubled sister, but she had taken some confidence and pride in being wholesome and obedient where Eva was not. I would love to have her counseled all through the pregnancy and return home reasonably healed, but I'm not sure that's plausible. (This is set in either the mid-80's or early 90's, if that matters/helps.) What is her recovery going to look like? I'd rather have her actually healed than pasting together a facade that will hide internal fractures, but I'm afraid that, in her hurry to get back to normal, Alyssa will do just that. Is her identity going to have a massive overhaul? What is healthy going to look like for Alyssa after this?

Exiled in Exeter 


Dear Exiled,

Oooo.  Really like Alyssa's backstory here. The bitterness she'd feel toward her sister would be enormous, I'd think. I mean, she'd never have been attacked if she hadn't had a wild, crazy sister. And I bet she does have the "good sister" identity, more than you'd think. Twins often pride themselves on individual differences, or being polar opposites. Uniqueness in the midst of such great uniformity is treasured. So to have her be sent off, like Alyssa is the "bad sister," would be more of a rejection to her than the social ostracism and unwanted pregnancy. Healing for her would have to include some sort of acknowledgement of the loss of her innocence, the unfairness or being attacked instead of her sister, the anger she probably has toward Eva as a result, the shame of being sent away, and the feelings she has around her baby (whether she keeps the infant or not). I figure she's got about 7 1/2 months to "heal," as girls usually find out they are pregnant in the 6-8 week range. That's quite a bit of time to try to "return to normal," since you really do have a time line where she can't be reunited with her family, etc. A lot of therapy could do a world of good during that much time. Not sure I'm answering what you wanted, so feel free to ask additional questions below. Good luck!

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Dear Jeannie: Lack of Maternal-Child Bonding

Dear Jeannie, 

Greta spent most of her very young years apart from her mother, who has to come and go from Greta's life frequently out of necessity. Greta's father died when she was 6. Her mother--and the extended family--are soft-spoken, introspective people. They aren't perfect, but they put dedicated work into being a kind, cohesive unit. Greta has never fit in, and when an opportunity comes for her to be with a people who suit her better--louder, faster, more argumentative and more trouble--she is quick to take it. How is Greta going to handle being apart from her family? She will have no contact with anyone she knows once she goes, and this is a big break from everyone and everything she knows. How much of Greta's desire to go is based on a hope for kindred spirits, and how much of it is based on whatever detachment issues she has with her mom?

Numbed in Norfolk


Dear Numbed,

Not having a consistent caregiver in the early years is definitely traumatic. All assessment instruments I've looked at for infant mental health always ask about "maternal availability." Greta's mother's spotty presence could almost be worse than not having her around regularly. The only exception of this would be if the people who took care of her in her mother's absence were steady and dependable. Studies have shown that children can overcome not having maternal availability when they have steady caregivers (be it a family friend, grandmother, aunt, etc). Greta would almost be in a foster care situation with her extended family members. I have a question for you. When Greta's mother would visit when she could, if she had asked Greta to do something that her regular caregiver (grandmother or whoever) had said not to, who would Greta have listened to? Who is she more aligned with? The answer to that question would inform my response to you. A 14-year-old is more likely to seek her peer system for input, rather than caregivers anyway. It's developmentally appropriate for peers to take center focus for a young teen. I'd think her desire to fit in somewhere would be stronger than whatever issues you've cooked up for her to have with her mom. I guess I'm not seeing how mom would factor in all that much since mom isn't around all that often anyway. Perhaps Greta just wants to strike out on her own, thereby gaining more control of when and where she interacts with her mom, but it's far more likely that she just wants to find a place to fit in with like-minded peers. Just my $.02. Thanks for writing in!

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Dear Jeannie: Parenting Styles and Psychotic Killers

Dear Jeannie,  

Dela was a pampered city girl, until the day she saw her parents killed in the first battle of a long war. She was rescued twice--first from the fight, and then years later from her rescuer. The first rescuer was a young teen herself (only a few years older than Dela), a country-bred girl with a good heart and no patience for Dela's spoiled games. Dela was thrilled to be saved from her when missionaries found them. These missionaries took Dela in, educated and trained her in the courtly city life she had missed so much, and then used her as bait to leverage themselves into a position of power. What would Dela's parenting skills/styles be? How would Dela handle her children? I am expecting a certain amount of passive-aggressive rebellion on Dela's part towards her husband, but I don't know why or how that is going to play into raising their children.

Reprogrammed in Raleigh


Dear Reprogrammed,

Dela was exposed to several parenting styles, from the sounds of it. If she was pampered, then her parents likely employed the Over-Indulger parenting style. The country-bred teen would more likely embody the Power Patrol style because you mentioned her lack of patience. My educated guess would be that the missionary parents, due to their more religious background and manipulative tactics, would be more Micromanagers. Ideally, she'd equal out somewhere in between these styles, incorporating aspects from all of them into a more Balanced style, but you'd know better than I which style she's more likely draw from. However, the formative years play quite a role in our development, and folks often end up more like their parents than they wish. Hope the posts I referenced help you figure Dela out a bit more. Thanks for writing in!


Dear Jeannie,

What would cause a sane character to kill for pleasure or satisfaction? I am guessing some childhood wounds could cause that but my knowledge concerning that is limited.
Suburban Writer 


Dear Surburban Writer,

Is this a trick question? By definition, someone who kills for pleasure or satisfaction would not be sane. Most killers with psychosis grow up with certain traits that seem to set them apart. I wrote about them (called the Macdonald Triad) in this post here. Hopefully that helps out. If not, feel free to respond below with more detailed questions I might could help with.

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Dear Jeannie: Dating Choices and Altered Reality

Dear Jeannie,
Annie has been home-schooled by her quirky parents, who have given her a lot of freedom and support over the years. She has an intense, embarrassing crush on a boy she barely knows--a poet who helps her sometimes with her English homework. But he says he has a serious girlfriend. Meanwhile, there is a wild-eyed jock who keeps showing up at her church and hitting on her. Even after his initial shock that Annie is missing a leg, this hottie keeps asking for her number and a date. She can't get him to leave her alone. Annie's much more interested in the poet, but she can't figure out a way to break him and his girlfriend up. Or if she should even try. How can she murder and bury this unrequited attraction before it pushes her into destructive behavior? Or is that likely for a sheltered, reasonably-balanced girl? Does the jock have a chance of wearing down her resistance?
Sandwiched in Sanditon 


Dear Sandwiched,

Home schooling has its advantages academically, as studies show, but socially, there can definitely be disadvantages. You didn't mention why she was home-schooled (perhaps her parents didn't want to subject her to potentially cruel peers?), but it makes total sense that she'd fall for this poet, especially if their interactions have been limited to online. But I'd also think that she'd be two-parts fascinated, one-part scared by the jock. He's attractive, an up-close-and-personal type who has seen her maimed status and still wants to date her. That would be a huge draw for her, I'd think. Her "defective" status wasn't a deterrent, but the fearful part might come in about why he's not deterred. (Very much a catch 22, but that's how I'd see it.) The poet guy is more cerebral--in her mind. Crushes like that can be hard to rid yourself of, unless faced with physical evidence to counter the powerful mental connection (i.e., the picture your online buddy sent you looks nothing like them). I just don't think someone who has been fairly sheltered would really have "destructive behavior" when she has the other, way-viable option of the jock. But that's my two cents. Thanks for writing in!


Dear Jeannie,

Gen is a young woman in modern times, who is very close to her brother. However, she has trouble telling reality from her imagination, and has terrible waking 'nightmares'. Her brain will latch on to small details and turn it into a life threatening situation. Is this kind of thing plausible, or something I'm completely making up? Also, how would it affect her in day to day life, is it likely to hit often, or only occasionally. How will her close friendship with her older brother affect her? 

Trying 


Dear Trying,

Altered reality is a real thing. I've had folks in my office who see and hear the same thing that I do, but state that they saw/heard something completely different. Their perspective is skewed, because their brain chemistry is altered by mental illness. The question to ask is not whether this is plausible, but what kind of background are you giving Gen to have this affliction? I'd venture that something traumatic would have to happen for her to have these waking "daymares." That's a symptom of PTSD for sure. People with PTSD try to avoid anything that might trigger a reaction like this. So it probably wouldn't be be a very common thing, as she's probably grown accustomed to what sets her brain off. I'm not sure I'm understanding your last question correctly (you want to know how it would affect her symptoms?), but her friendship with her brother would likely be one of her calming factors, as he probably could deescalate her quicker than others. If you're interested in additional posts that discuss the nature of PTSD, check out this link. The first two posts are the most informative, I believe.

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Dear Jeannie: Dealing with Abandonment

Dear Jeannie, 

Barrow is a young knight in a country ravaged by a never-ending war. His father died when Barrow was a baby, and Barrow idolizes his cousin Aelor, who is quite rebellious. When Aelor betrays his family and country and joins the antagonists in the war, Barrow is crushed and refuses to look up to anyone after this. He chooses instead to find his own way and be his own leader, which causes conflict between him and my MC, the leader of the group. Is it realistic that Barrow shuns role models because of this betrayal? Throughout the course of the story, he is always trying to prove himself to his father and Aelor, even though neither of them is around to see him. Does this happen to people who have lost someone they admire?

Hazy in Hutto 


Dear Hazy,

It's absolutely feasible that Barrow would resist allowing someone to be a role model for him. He essentially has PTSD to be so affected, but it's feasible. When the human brain can't shut off the emotional connection to certain events (like the betrayal of Aelor crossing sides), it fears repeated exposure to similar events. If Barrow can just avoid that at any costs, he'll be ok. I can more readily see Barrow trying to prove himself to his deceased father rather than Aelor. Once crossed or betrayed, especially at the beginning (you didn't mention how much time passed), Barrow would shun anything to do with Aelor, even mentally (such as proving himself). He'd react negatively to even the suggestion. But perhaps after time passes, he might want to prove himself as better than Aelor, a more stand-up guy. Deep-seated abandonment issues can come out this way...but a father's death when Barrow was a baby is also a form of abandonment. So essentially he's been abandoned by the two men who meant the most to him. A very sad state for our poor Barrow! Definitely in need of therapy. Let me know if I can help further. Thanks for writing in!


Dear Jeannie,

Roma is special, and she knows it. The only heir to a family with odd 'powers' they don't share with outsiders, she doesn't so much rely on her gifts and training as she does expect family and friends to spoil and shelter her. When her dependence on the protection and favor of others gets her into hot water, she lets her best friend rescue her. By marrying her. She's not too young to marry, but she's definitely immature. And their rushed wedding now makes her a wife in an unfamiliar territory. She's not welcome, or wanted, by her husband's family. She wants to hold on to the way she's used to thinking about things--not taking responsibility and letting her family's reputation carry her--but I have got to make an adult out of her. She's not making friends with her new relatives, and she's not engaging in social and civic duties that might thaw her in-laws some. What will it take for her to put aside her childhood and accept her place as a woman? Also, she faces a lot of prejudice from her husband's family. What might warm them to her?

Thanks,
Shell-Shocked in Charlotte 


Dear Shell-Shocked,

Nothing is more sobering than being protected in a cushy way and having that stripped from you. The more independent activities her husband's family expects of her to do, the more she'll have to learn (trial-by-fire sort of way). A whole lot of growing up, though, happens when people are faced with calamity. You could see how the youth in America grew up after 9-11. I'd think that if the entire family faced some sort of ordeal together, then they'd be more likely to grow closer. If you could figure out how Roma could use her powers to help the family in some way, even better. When she engages in her childish ways, you might have her win over another married girl around her age, and have her slowly be introduced to the more subdued facts of life, and even feel compassion for the other girl. She'd more readily learn from a peer at her age than from an adult, so you could work this angle. Best of luck!

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Dear Jeannie: Stopping Violence and Seeking Revenge

Dear Jeannie,

Amanda studied to teach, but she doesn't want to wander far from home. Leaving to get certified was enough for her, and she'd rather stay closer to the nest now, thank you. The only opening nearby, however, is on an Indian reservation a couple hours away. Despite growing up in this town, being familiar with every nuance of local gossip and opinion, she is massively unprepared for working with the children. They bring their families' hard feelings to the school every day. Some of the parents and family members are actively hostile and very closely involved with their children's education. Two questions: If she hated going away from home before, is fear going to be a significant problem for her? There are enough high tempers that violence *could* erupt (though she is an unlikely target for such action), but she comes from a fairly gentle home. Also, what can she be doing to work with the community to ease their hostility? This kind of thinking outside the box is a little outside her ken--and definitely mine!

Lynched in Laramie


Dear Lynched,

I'd think that given her close association with the nearby town to the Indian reservation, she'd tkae what she could get, gratefully. There'd be enough connection to her home simply through common language, accent, geography, weather, etc. Volatility is never easy to be around, especially if you were raised in an opposing manner. You didn't specify a time period, but she might make more frequent trips home (if conveyance is possible) to remove herself from the thick of the action. But if you want her to be working within the community to ease hostility, the best way to do that would not be to bail. However, this could be a part of her character arc...her fear cripples her initially, but as she grows stronger and more assured that the work she's doing could make a difference, she grows bolder. I'd make the work center around the children. Adults are less likely to get rowdy when children are present. Some sort of community project that involves children from opposing "sides," as it were. A play, perhaps, or a community garden that actively provides food, perhaps during a rough year for crops. Something like that. I welcome further questions below, but hope this was helpful!


Dear Jeannie,

Gil was born into a wealthy, ambitious noble family, well connected enough to arrange a betrothal with one of their king's lesser daughters. Trouble was, the daughter had a mind of her own and a wicked right arm. She stoned Gil mercilessly whenever the family came to court, and often rounded up other family and young courtiers to assist. The engagement was called off once the parents realized that Gil and the princess would never reconcile. Gil, however, didn't let it go. Fast forward twenty years, and Gil is staging civil war and making alliances with invaders. Revenge against the royal family (which he might call 'justice'--maybe) hardly seems reason enough to betray and destroy his own country. How did he get to this point? Gil's family wasn't particularly vicious about the failed betrothal. It's a blow to their ambitions, but they would rather have had their son whole than wed to a shrew in the making. What pushes him to do everything possible to destroy the royals?

Commoner in Caledonia 


Dear Commoner,

Early childhood wounds can be haunting. You didn't mention Gil's age when he was being stoned and ruthlessly rejected, but that's not something he'd ever be likely to forget. Depending on his upbringing and other adverse events he went through, those moments might have been singularly defining for him. It's not unfeasible that he would have let his anger and resentment stew for years. The royals might represent to him everything that is oppressive, condemning, and merciless. Perhaps he wants to show them what that feels like, and his revenge is the most obvious way to wield power of the powerful. You also didn't mention if the "lesser daughter" factors in again within your plot, but I'd think he'd target her--married to someone else or a spinster, or what. After all, her face probably held the place of honor in his dreams and remembrances of his treatment (similar to a female throwing darts at an ex-boyfriend's face). I think you could work with this motive and no one would question it. We've likely all been there. Best of luck!

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Dear Jeannie: Futuristic Castaway Love Story

Dear Jeannie,
Mark has a problem. As a mature, kind person, he's been asked to help a foreign castaway adjust to his people's culture and language. The castaway is growing on him. She's sweet and smart and eager to please. But she, and the rest of Mark's society, are aware that her own people are coming for her. It may be next week, it might be ten years, but they will find her. The more of a claim Mark has on her, the greater the risk of disaster. His own people are concerned about Mark. Conception is difficult among their people, and he is wasting the best years of his life tutoring this little foreign girl when he could be married and starting a family. Problem is, he doesn't want anyone else. What factors are going to weigh heaviest in making a decision about this? Can he justify picking her over his own people? They like her fine, but she's not kin and she brings trouble. Should he choose her, what might influence them to agree?
Torn in Toronto 


Dear Torn,

The answer to your question depends on a few things. How entrenched is Mark in his own culture? He doesn't seem to be a rule breaker by nature, or he wouldn't have been chosen to help the castaway. But the smart, introspective types have strong moral values and opinions, and are very prone to follow their heart purposefully. However, the more influence he has in his world, the more likely the others might be able to accept her, which would make his choice easier. Especially if he were to impart some knowledge to her that would end up benefiting the townspeople in some way, say, during a battle. You mentioned that he was mature, and that others thought he was wasting his prime years on the castaway. But does Mark a long history of girlfriends? Something tells me he doesn't. And that the reason he doesn't is that he is picky, perhaps. That would factor into his decision to choose the girl over his culture, because he might reason that no one in his culture has made his heart pound. Anyway, hope this helps. Thanks for writing in!


Dear Jeannie,

Owen's military father developed PTSD and an alcohol addiction which led to him abusing his wife and slapping around Owen and his two younger siblings during his worst episodes. After 10 years, his mother, a kind, loving woman, got a divorce and left with the younger two children. Owen loves the military and is ferociously loyal to his father, he's furious at his mother for (what he sees as) abandoning his mentally ill father and stealing the children. His mother wants to reconnect with Owen, but Owen absolutely despises her. He's a kind and generous individual, and I would like him to repair his relationship with his mother, but I cannot figure out how. He has brutally rebuffed all of her attempts to communicate, and he absolutely won't listen to his siblings discuss it. His father is likewise bitter at her for 'turning the other children against him,' and he encourages Owen's rebuffs. Any ideas?
Mystified in Mississippi 


Dear Mystified,

Owen might need to see another family with a similar dynamic, one in which he'd be more aligned with the mother and the abused children, to be able to see the dynamic in his own family. When people are entrenched in a certain viewpoint (and Owen definitely is that), they can't see beyond that. To expect him to without some sort of outer intervention (i.e., a letter from his mom written before the divorce, or something similar you've seen in movies and read in books) or exposure to the harmful effects in another family would be like expecting an insane person to suddenly become sane. If he could grow close to a woman, perhaps older (not romantically, though he could be interested in the eldest daughter...that sort of thing) and could begin to see evidence of her husband's abuse and how it is negatively effecting his love interest and the maternal security he feels from this woman, he might be able to see his father for what he was, rather than idolizing him and putting him on pedestal. I'm happy to entertain any other questions below in the comment section about what I've suggested. Good luck!

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Dear Jeannie: Falling in Love...with Your Brother?

Dear Jeannie,
In response to your series on children coping with death, I have a family of kids in a story who have lost both parents. One through illness, the other through a trauma. One of them, Andy, was the only child present with their parent when she died. Andy has since been separated from his family by the courts, though his siblings all try to maintain close contact with him. He was about 8 when it happened. And he's still pretty thin-skinned about his grief. Is there anything more Andy's surviving family can be doing for him? What is "normal" going to look like for Andy, as he grows up with this trauma? Where is the line for survivors, between scars and open wounds?
Coping in Carolina  


Dear Coping,

I'm not sure if you were able to catch the conclusion to my series on grief and children coping with death, but I finished off with a post on how adults can intervene with grieving children. You'll see in the post that for someone who's around age 8, you'll need lots of patience to help them through the process. Andy will need a place to feel safe and comfortable communicating about his experience. He was really young to be present while someone actually died. Hopefully this is explained in your story and was out of necessity.  Seeing someone's final breath is a powerful experience, and one so young would likely be fairly traumatized from that, so hopefully you have good reason. As he grows up, he'll have less overt traumatic reactions, but they can still be present. Depends on how damaged emotionally you want/need him to be. Time is his greatest ally...but could also be his strongest evil. Either way could be realistic. Good luck with this little guy!


Dear Jeannie,

Cherry grew up poor in a post-war martial state. She's an orphan, taken in by her new family out of the goodness of their hearts. Which they remind her of, often. She's more than old enough to leave home, but she has nowhere to go and no way to start anything of her own. Until a young man from out of town starts paying attention to her. They fall pretty simply into love, but then he takes her to meet his family, where she discovers that she isn't really an orphan, after all. She's their long-lost daughter, and her beau's missing sister. I can pretty nearly work out how the parents are going to respond, but what about her? Is guilt or a longing for home going to hold sway over her, or something else entirely? I'm not sure if she'd respond to this as a trauma to grieve, or if her initial loss of family is going to stunt or stifle her emotions as an adult.

Wooed in Wilmington


Dear Wooed,

From your short paragraph, I can't see how she'd "long for home" at all...unless that home was an orphanage where things at least made sense to her. If her family constantly made her feel like an interloper, one who doesn't belong, than she's likely not have these emotional reactions to finding out who her real family is. What I'd say would be a bigger consideration---one that you just barely touched on---is the fact that her boyfriend is now her brother. You mentioned it was a "simple love," and perhaps you have other romantic interests in store for this girl, but she sounds fairly fresh to the idea of love, and learning her first boyfriend's her brother has got to be a drag. Seriously. I think a young teen might camp out solely on this point before doing any introspection about what it means to discover she has a family. This point totally jumped out at me, so that's what I focused on. If I missed a salient point please correspond with me in the comment section. Thanks for writing in.

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Dear Jeannie: Romance Without the Main Ingredient?

Dear Jeannie,

A while ago I wrote in about Skylar and his lack of ability to trust. Your comments have really helped my understanding of him as a character, but I'm having trouble thinking of what might make him trust again. Since his normal response to anyone trying to talk to him is to close himself off, it's difficult even to get him to listen to anyone. Since he's going to have to learn to trust someone if he wants his wings healed, I want him to learn to open up. Are there any events that might make him more comfortable trusting again that don't involve visiting a therapist of some sort, or would he need outside intervention to make any progress?

Still Broken in Baltimore


Dear Still Broken,

Trust is earned. That takes time and patience on behalf of the person trying to earn his trust, assuming there is such a person. There will be a push-pull kind of dance that the other person must be willing to engage in. Skylar will pull away, and that person will have to be willing to give him his space, but push when needed, to insert themselves in a way that doesn't turn Skylar off. In general, you're going to need someone who fits the Golden Retriever characteristics, who'll be willing to hang in there when the going gets tough. Yes, Skylar can learn to trust someone without therapeutic intervention...but you'll want to pay attention to the passage of time in your book to make this realistic. Hope that helps!


Dear Jeannie,
Cass grew up in in a privileged, sheltered, eccentric Medieval family. Cass's parents offered her hand in marriage as a prize in a tournament, and her older brother's friend and trainer, Will, won. He's stubborn, practical, consistent, quiet and considerate. Well, that was then, and this is now. Will hasn't said two words to her since the very sudden wedding, having taken off to fight in any battle the king saw fit. Cass has been left home to a) build their castle, b) handle all estate affairs, and c) finish growing up (she was YOUNG at the time). She's also gone through a disturbing growth spurt that nearly crippled her for a year and has changed her appearance so much that her own family almost doesn't recognize her. Will's on his way back for the first time, and Cass is surprisingly angry. I can guess at some of why, but she's inarticulate with rage, and I can't talk to her. Help!
Furious in Fresno 


Dear Furious,

Well, let's see. Most young girls grow up with visions of knights and white horses (figuratively, but perhaps literally for her). And this knight of sorts wins her hand, which is oh-so-romantic. Then he leaves her high and dry to serve his country. Noble, yes...not so romantic. And then she's thrust into this solitary role of construction and estate affairs, while still a child. Her growth spurt cripples her for a year, and she had no husband upon which to draw strength or solace. She's got all the trappings of the life she wanted without the main ingredient: an active, involved husband. So when he comes riding up, I don't have much trouble imagining her anger at her predicament. If he's been away for years, as I presume, she's been able to sit and stew on her situation for a loooooong time. Doesn't bode well for Mr. Will. I imagine she lets him have it with both guns blaring (uh, swords swinging?), or she gives him the total silent treatment, continuing to run things as she sees fit until it clashes with his way of wanting to do things....then there will be a showdown to end all showdowns.

Is this what you had in mind with your write-in? Didn't give me much...so I just free-associated, if you will. :)

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Dear Jeannie: Love Triangle Fall-Out

Dear Jeannie,

Nat and Jon grew up in each others' pockets. Members of the same clan, they fed on and encouraged each other since boyhood. Best of friends, really, despite different social standings, family ties, and ambitions. They never had a problem until they fell in love with the same girl. Would they still keep that close friendship after Nat won the girl? Jon's ambitions keep him out of town, but I'm not sure how two men would hold on to their relationship after one of them lost in love. Also, in a tight-knit community, how might this triangle bleed over into other relationships with family and friends? And then, lastly, about the plotting--how is Jon (loser in the first round of love) going to respond when one of their clan asks him to consider an arranged marriage to a younger girl from a wealthier family? I love these guys, but I don't always get in their heads well...

Recovering in Reno

Dear Recovering,

Interesting that I'm reading a YA book right now that has this dynamic, and the two boys do remain friends. However, I think it works in this book because of the other factors, like the "Jon" in the book being able to move on (relatively quickly, I might add), and the acceptance he had that for the girl, her eyes had always been on the "Nat." Depending on whether the girl was at all in conflict between the two (of any serious nature...in the book I'm reading, she knew she was dating the "Jon" because the "Nat" was unavailable at the time), that could impact their ability to move forward. Since you have Jon physically distancing himself from Nat and the girl (due to his ambitions), then maybe out of sight, out of mind for him and he might move on quicker. As to how the community or friends would respond, it's always awkward around the "loser" in love. No one knows quite what to say or how to act, perhaps so much so that they avoid Job or Jon himself might want to withdraw (b/c I'm sure it hurts him to see them together). As to how Jo will respond to an arranged marriage, that'd depend on a few things, namely passage of time (to allow for his heart to heal) and whether he was truly able to let his feelings for the first girl go. If she and Nat are doing well and he's gotten to the point where he's actually happy for them, then yes, I'd say he could be open to the arrangement, unless he was holding out for love.

Thanks for writing in. Good luck!

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Dear Jeannie: Crazy Crushes and Lack of Trust

Dear Jeannie,

Perry is a good-hearted, smart, and perfectly capable heir to his family's holdings. He's well-trained and self-possessed. Except around Rachel. Every time she moves, or breathes, or speaks, she sends him into an absolute frenzy of idiocy. She makes him clumsy, physically, but more often with the things he says and always putting himself in the wrong. Rachel has no patience for fools, and works around him when she has to put up with him. His current coping strategy is to shut up and hold still if she's in the room. This is not helping him win her over. The 'why' of this is partly a mystery. There's an element of attraction, but Perry's inability to work through that remains a bit of a puzzle for me. More relevantly, what can he do to get over his perpetual gobsmackedness around her? He's tried befriending her loved ones, fighting her enemies, and providing aid in whatever form he can, but she ignores, misconstrues, or takes enormous offense at his efforts. Perry would like to be able to talk to her, but his brains dribble out his ears in her presence.

Foolish in Farmingham


Dear Foolish,

Wowzer. Sounds like he's got one a heck of a crush. Its not unheard of for brains to fry in the presence of someone we greatly want to impress or have admire us. But I'd think Perry should have a few other exceptions to his self-possessed capability besides Rachel. A suggestion for more believability would be to have him feel incompetent (and/or actually be that way) around his mother or another woman who is commanding or he feels he has to perform to win her over. As to why he does this? The question made me laugh, as you created him that way. LOL! Using the behavioral therapy intervention of exposure, the idea would be that the more exposure he has to her, and the more gradual their interaction level (which makes sense in a romance), the less his anxiety would be. You're describing an anxiety response, and it should decrease over time, just like butterflies usually don't flutter quite so grand after you've been dating a while. If this doesn't happen, he'll be like Stan Marsh on South Park, who always barfs in front of Wendy Testaburger, the girls he likes. After a while, your reader will get tired of his inability to loosen up. Best of luck to you!


Dear Jeannie 

Skylar, who had previously been an introspective, thoughtful child prone to moments of distraction, was given wings as part of a magical experiment at the age of nine by a mage. Several of these "experiments" existed, and they formed a sort of youth club structure that Skylar found himself leaning on for support a lot. A stranger attacks their group, killing everyone else and breaking one of Skylar's wings (and preventing him from flying). He blames this attack on his sister because of her previous threats to tell about his wings. Now, at 15, Skylar is a bitter, mistrustful character who won't allow anyone but his two closest friends to get anywhere near him. Is this is a feasible reaction to what's happened to him and are there any other likely psychological effects? And since he loved flying and had almost learned to accept what had been done to him because of that passion, how would he have reacted to being unable to fly? 

Broken in Baltimore


Dear Broken,

Whether his sister was actually behind the attack, you didn't make clear, but regardless he'd have very little reason to trust people if he thinks his own sister would sell him out. So no, I don't think it's unreasonable that he'd be bitter and mistrustful. Actually, I questioned his ability to make friends with even two people after an event like this. How did that happen? If all the other experiments were killed, and they were his "safe zone," (a place where he fit in) and he doesn't know of any others like him, then I wouldn't see him making friends all that easily. Not being able to fly would be devastating to him. He was changed because of that passion, and then to have the one truly special thing about him (yes, granted, it was an experiment) taken away or altered, even for a short period of time, would usher in a grief reaction. He might be depressed and withdrawn. Probably sullen. He could even act out more, b/c he wouldn't have that outlet of expressing himself for a time. He might have wished not to be experimented on for a time, but to lose it would almost be like buyer's remorse...unless he thought he had a chance of being normal. You didn't mention that this was a possibility, though, since the wing was just broken and this implies a healing factor and eventual ability to fly again. At any rate, your's was a longer scenario to work with...so feel free to write back in if you have more questions. Thanks for writing in!

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Dear Jeannie: Cult Repercussions and Juvenile Delinquency

Dear Jeannie,

Phoenix was raised in a cult of assassins and trained to be a killer. Despite the violence and death worship around her, she somehow maintained a conscience and a horror for what she was a part of. As a teenager she escaped the cult and now works with a team of CAPES (an occupation similar to a bounty hunter or U. S. Marshall) for whom she deeply cares. It soon becomes clear to Phoenix that her former cult is involved in the case CAPES team is investigating. She would never want her teammates to know her past but to not speak up will put them in danger. Fear makes her want to run from ever again confronting the cult (b/c rejecting the cult is tantamount to a long but certain death) but she also can't abandon her friends, even though if they know the truth about her, they would reject her. Her childhood training made her cautious and calculating but also violent with a will of steel. She is quick tempered, isolated, intensely reserved, and self hating. When the situation comes to a head and they're all forced to run or fight, will she be able to spill her guts and fess up to her friends? How can she possibly cope and face this situation? 

Against a Wall, Somewhere in the Future


Dear Against a Wall,

Phoenix is in a tough spot, for sure. But you mentioned early on that she retained a horror about the things she was trained and carried out to do. That lets me know that her humanity is still in tact. You also said she's come to care for the CAPES team deeply. So she's going to try to protect them at all costs. I believe she'd try to keep her past a secret for as long as she can (out of self-preservation, which we all have)...but when the rubber meets the road and things come to a head, she will protect them by telling them and facing their rejection in order to save them. Because she is already isolative, she won't see this as the great sacrifice it really is, because their safety will mean more than her comfort or security. She's likely remember the choices she didn't make to do the right thing while within the cult, and not want that on her conscious either. I really don't see the other option of running as viable for her. She's more of an anti-hero, but she's still heroic...and running would be the opposite of heroic (and would make for a MUCH shorter book, lol!). Best of luck!



Dear Jeannie, 

Monet is a teenage girl forced to relocate to a new high school after she was expelled. She does have kleptomania and is a bit of a juvenile delinquent, which was an important factor in her expulsion. Because of this, her entire family moved towns and she and her parents have regular fights. How would this affect her in a new school and how would the regular conflicts affect her family life? 

Relocating


Dear Relocating,

Most juvenile delinquents aren't going to change just because their environment did. If she's into stealing, then that compulsion doesn't go away. However, if she was involved in a "bad" group of kids in her previous town, and she gets in with the right kids in the new town, it's feasible she could change. But operating on the assumption that she is still involved in delinquent acts of stealing, she's going to continue to have school trouble and, of course, arguments with her parents, who aren't going to be able to keep moving b/c of her. Depending on how she views going to a new school, it could be a clean slate, or she could take up the mantle of a "troubled kid." Only you would know which one she'd most likely want. Her family life would deteriorate without intervention, and she'd gravitate toward more delinquent acts without a firm structure in place. Doesn't sound very good! But if you have more information that you'd want to share below that might change things, feel free! Thanks for writing in.

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Dear Jeannie: Prioritizing Coping and Civil War Pressures

Dear Jeannie,
 
Maryanne gets hit with several life-altering traumas at once--infidelity, professional failure, imprisonment and torture, massive culture shock (after a scientific mission ends in disaster and surviving crew members crash in an alien world). Because she was sheltered and stable, I don't think she has a lot of coping strategies in place for any one of these issues, much less all at once. Will she prioritize or shelve certain issues? She's well attuned to her own thoughts and feelings, but tends to be a bit dense where others are concerned.

Lost in Space


Dear Lost,

You're right. She'd probably have very poor coping skills shored up to deal with any of those stressors.  I'd want to direct you a series of posts I did on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Imprisonment and torture will infringe upon her Safety Needs (possibly her Basic Needs, depending on how they torture her), which takes precedence. You're not thinking about what a dirtbag your husband is when you're running for your life. The culture shock would be a Safety Need, as well, because when you're uncomfortable in your surroundings, your future and health and well-being are called into question. Her husband's infidelity is a Social Need problem, which would come after all the above. At the tail end would be her professional failure, which is an Esteem Need (and internal one, at that...so it's the second tier of Esteem Needs. I hope this helps when thinking about how to order her coping with what. Best of luck!


Dear Jeannie,

As Civil war looms, Paulette is faced with two problems: the death of her father and a proposal from her childhood hero. Where she might have welcomed the romance with open arms, she now has political, economical, and social pressures on her that she doesn't welcome but cannot escape because she is running the family plantation in the Deep South. She's young to be coping with wartime troubles, especially as an unwanted leader in her ill-tempered home. How likely is she to want to wait out the war and her family instead of giving an immediate "YES!" to the boy she loves? (He's very anti-secession, so the added certainty of disaster or desertion weighs the scales awkwardly for her.)

Crooked in Colleton 


Dear Crooked,

At 16, in that era, she wouldn't feel psychologically ready to be married, no matter what her responsibilities had been up until then. According to this article, the mean marrying age for white women was around 23-24 years old. Now, she might want to ardently accept the proposal (most young girls would!), but perhaps they'd make the pact in secret, especially since the boy has anti-succession leanings. Waiting out the war would seem the most logical bet, but in every generation, there are those outliers who don't fit the bell curve. You know Paulette better than me...is she an outlier? You mentioned that she was thrust into a leadership role in the plantation, which I assume the death of her father only solidified. Does she abhor this role? Enough that she'd eschew the whole thing and run off with this boy? It seems counterintuitive that she'd welcome the romance with open arms when his political leanings make things so awkward. Does she have strong feelings in the opposite direction? Would that be an insurmountable obstacle for her? Sorry to end with more questions, but you'd have to give some thought to these before making your final plan on the page. Thanks for writing in!

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Dear Jeannie: Dressing Drab and Losing a Child

Dear Jeannie,

My heroine is the oldest of five, a member of the highest class of her society, was abused by her father as a child. Everything in her life is about protecting her sisters, and she's very bitter about men and her mother's obliviousness to what happened. Her father always told them little girls should never dress in colors because they attracted unwanted attention, which was immediately followed by said unwanted attention. As a kid her wardrobe was gray, brown, black, and very drab. As an adult she wears bright colors to make sure she isn't lost in a crowd and easy to dismiss if some man makes any kind of advance. With her mother's death she's now in the public eye as a High Lady, in a science fiction universe. She's torn between wanting to be left alone and not wanting to get lost in a crowd and becoming another statistic. I want to make sure her color choices make sense on a psychological level.

Lost in the Future


Dear Lost,

What happens between her childhood and adulthood will answer this question. If she does wear the bright colors, then she must have gone through a rebellious phase or an "I don't care" type phase. She would have to change her basic thinking about colors, and maybe come to the conclusion that brighter colors equals more protection (perhaps she saw this in action?). You don't specify when or how her mother dies, but an event such as that (especially if she was estranged with her) could prompt such drastic changes in her wardrobe. But this would need to be carefully thought out, because childhood trauma of abuse (I assume sexual in nature?) would be intricately tied to the need to dress drably an blend in. More info is needed about how she became a High Lady (and what that even is) for this to be fully fleshed out. Feel free to respond in the comment section below...but she sounds fascinating!


Dear Jeannie,

Reva has grown up in a demoralized martial-law state (following a failed coup). Her parents were big supporters of the put-down rebels, and she's grown up being fed a steady diet of bitter anger and frustration. Trouble is, she's fallen in love with (and married) a state sympathizer. He's fun, kind, solid--hard to resist. In an effort to start fresh, they've moved to a new frontier. My question is about the dynamics of their marriage. They had one child, who died right before the move, and Reva can't have any more children. What kind of grief/trauma is she going to face, especially cut off from the family and friends she grew up with? How is she going to react to other children they encounter in their new life?

Starting Over in Statesville 


Dear Starting Over,

That is not where I thought you were going with this question (I thought it'd focus on the marriage itself between two people with opposite philosophies). Having a child die is considered one of the most traumatic experiences an adult can go through. It's unnatural in the life scheme of things, and will stay with her forever, made doubly traumatic by not being able to have any more children. She will experience grief, of course, and this can look as different as each individual is. I imagine she'd be more depressed without any of her regular support system around. She would have one of two prominent reactions to other children, which can and will change over time. 1) She can isolate away from them, not wanting to be reminded of her loss (which might be more likely in the beginning), or 2) She will want to be around children in any way possible, to take what joy she can have in them (more likely later on, I'd think). Best of luck writing her!

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Hope your Christmas was wonderful, and that you're off too a good start in the new year! :)

Dear Jeannie: A Family Divided and Arranged Marriages

CHRISTMAS GIVEAWAY: ROMANCE WRITER'S GRAB BAG AND GOODIES! 

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Dear Jeannie,

Sean, Matt, and their family are newcomers to a tightly-knit, politically volatile community. The boys are all young enough to grow up with the neighbors, but old enough to still be considered transplants. When war breaks out, Sean and his brothers are pretty evenly split between joining one of the two sides--or abandoning both and falling prey to cowardice and greed, in Matt's case. Sean joins the "enemy" army, which had more of his loyalty before they moved. I'm thinking this is going to really tear up the family (there were 4 brothers, most of whom were very close to their idealistic mother). Sad, but workable. But what about their community? Since some boys joined "the cause" and others didn't, would they be completely booted? Attacked, either physically or verbally? And what about Matt's new criminal career? Will the family be able to maintain a life here, or are they going to need a new start, somewhere else?

Armed Brat in Arlington

Dear Armed Brat,

War definitely polarizes people in and of itself, much less if you've got a North & South-type thing going (great television series!). If the family is divided, I'd think the sons who joined the "enemy" side would definitely be unwelcome in the community that is predominantly for the other side. Would they have to hide out? And as to whether they'd be able to maintain a life there (I'm assuming after the war?), I'd think that would depend on a few things: 1) Does the family consider this place their home? Since you made a point to mention that they are still considered "outsiders," they might not want to. 2) Has Matt's criminal career made them lepers of society by their association with him? 3) How idealistic is their mom? I find it somewhat hard to believe she'd want them to be involved in this policital upheaval, but that all depends on what her stance in it is. If the brothers are close to her, then her opinion will hold a lot of sway over them.  Anyway, there were some parts of your question that were unclear, so if you want to clarify some things in the comment section below, I'll respond as soon as I can. Thanks for writing in!



Dear Jeannie,
When she was 15, Francesca's stepmother asked her to choose between raising her half-sisters or starting her own family. She thought hard about it at the time, but she's been a faithful surrogate ever since. The girls are close. But now they're in the New World, with new rules, new family, and new relationships. Francesca's been maneuvered into an arranged marriage, and her groom doesn't know she comes with a ready-made family. Between being completely up-ended by the move and having her control taken away from her, she has a sizable dose of anger. Where and how is she going to direct it? The girls? The groom? She's been making "adult" choices for a number of years, but they don't seem to have prepared her for any of the new dilemmas facing her. How can she learn to make decisions *with* someone, instead of *for* them?
Micromanaged in Micronesia 


Dear Micromanaged,

Francesca's biggest challenge will be the arranged marriage, not the move. He would represent the largest unknown. How was she maneuvered into the arranged marriage? She'll likely feel incredible resentment toward that figure. And if the husband-to-be comes across high-handed (or perhaps he's just a regular, chivalrous male), she's not going to appreciate that, either. You didn't mention how old she is when they make the move to the New World or if she's harbored hopes of a marriage of her own, so it would seem feasible that her anger could resolve fairly quickly as she journeys through her character arc and through marriage. It might be helpful to have her and her fiance butt heads early on as they join forces for some task. They can learn each others' ins and outs over this task, which they are both less emotionally invested in than marriage. Hope you write him with miles and miles of patience. :)

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