Greta spent most of her very young years apart from her mother, who has to come and go from Greta's life frequently out of necessity. Greta's father died when she was 6. Her mother--and the extended family--are soft-spoken, introspective people. They aren't perfect, but they put dedicated work into being a kind, cohesive unit. Greta has never fit in, and when an opportunity comes for her to be with a people who suit her better--louder, faster, more argumentative and more trouble--she is quick to take it. How is Greta going to handle being apart from her family? She will have no contact with anyone she knows once she goes, and this is a big break from everyone and everything she knows. How much of Greta's desire to go is based on a hope for kindred spirits, and how much of it is based on whatever detachment issues she has with her mom?
Numbed in Norfolk
Dear Numbed,
Not having a consistent caregiver in the early years is definitely traumatic. All assessment instruments I've looked at for infant mental health always ask about "maternal availability." Greta's mother's spotty presence could almost be worse than not having her around regularly. The only exception of this would be if the people who took care of her in her mother's absence were steady and dependable. Studies have shown that children can overcome not having maternal availability when they have steady caregivers (be it a family friend, grandmother, aunt, etc). Greta would almost be in a foster care situation with her extended family members. I have a question for you. When Greta's mother would visit when she could, if she had asked Greta to do something that her regular caregiver (grandmother or whoever) had said not to, who would Greta have listened to? Who is she more aligned with? The answer to that question would inform my response to you. A 14-year-old is more likely to seek her peer system for input, rather than caregivers anyway. It's developmentally appropriate for peers to take center focus for a young teen. I'd think her desire to fit in somewhere would be stronger than whatever issues you've cooked up for her to have with her mom. I guess I'm not seeing how mom would factor in all that much since mom isn't around all that often anyway. Perhaps Greta just wants to strike out on her own, thereby gaining more control of when and where she interacts with her mom, but it's far more likely that she just wants to find a place to fit in with like-minded peers. Just my $.02. Thanks for writing in!
THE QUEUE IS EMPTY!!
If you have questions, leave them anonymously below using monikers like Sleepless in Seattle. I'll post my answers in future Dear Jeannie columns.
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Charlee · 570 weeks ago
When Charlee was four, her mother left for another man to start the 'perfect family.' Charlee and her sister, Cassie, visited once. Afterwards, Cassie declared their mother to be dead to her. Charlee took that seriously and believed her mother to be dead until finally making a comment to her father when she was eight. Her father told her the truth. How would she react to that as an eight year old, finally learning the truth? When she's forced to go live with her mother because her sister died and her father left for the army, would it be reasonable for her to refuse to accept her new family? How long would it take for her to forgive her mother, whom she heard horrible things about from her sister? How long would it take for her to forgive her sister for leaving her and lying to her?
Bewildered in Bulgaria
Amelia · 569 weeks ago
A seventeen year old Allison escaped from a massacre that took the lives of both her parents. Her only remaining family is a thirteen year old sister, Vera, who she's suddenly become responsible for. Allison is as hard-headed and stubborn as a mule, and her idea of coping with grief is to - well, not. Allison suppresses her grief - she refuses to talk or even think about her parents, refuses to let herself cry, and shuts down anyone who attempts to get her to open up about it, including her own sister. At first, Vera understood her behavior. She thought Allison needed time to cope on her own. But as the story progresses, Allison's behavior only grows worse. In addition to keeping her grief inside, she's hiding a number of important secrets, and now Vera is becoming angry with her. She hates how her sister keeps her in the dark, and that Allison won't even trust her with how she's really feeling. The tension between these two is coming to a boil - Vera is going to confront Allison, and Allison is going to lose control of her feelings. I understand from your previous posts that holding back grief too long results in breakdowns. What I don't understand is how such a breakdown would manifest for a stubborn, snappish, yet hurting character like Allison. More importantly, how is such a breakdown going to affect an already shaky relationship between the sisters?
Adventuring in Austin
Anonymous · 569 weeks ago
I'm having a hard time getting a handle on my antagonist, Arik. The story's told from my narrator's POV, who doesn't like him and writes him off as selfish, petty, cruel, and generally in hot pursuit of evil. I doubt he was 'born this way', but I can't get a bead on him.
Arik grew up in a family that's feuding with my main character's family, and each side has a different take on the events that fueled the conflict (Arik's great-whatever-father tried to kill the narrator's great-whatever-father, but killed his wife, instead. From there, blame was spread and a body-count began.). Arik is first the heir-apparent, and then takes over his clan, and all of his interaction with the narrator involves games of one-upmanship, off-kilter treachery and betrayal, and one murder of a trusted ally. Only my narrator and one other already-biased person were witness to this death. How is Arik going to handle this accusation? Why is he such a...body part? He has a close relationship with one of the good guys, but he never does anything remotely redeemable. Is this too much?
Overloaded in Omaha
Anonymous · 569 weeks ago
You're right--Greta would side with her caregivers before she would her mother. Which the mom and the caregivers know, and are all very careful to be respectful of each other, which just combines to bother Greta more. She is actually older than most of her peers who leave home in this culture, but the new 'family' she chooses is controversial. I'm not sure if this is relevant to her decisions or thought processes, but her mother's absences are partly due to her mother's notoriety. Her mom, who I have a better handle on, worries that some of Greta's choices are rebellion against the mother's fame. As such, Greta may encounter some of the ripple effects from her mom's influence that trip her up. She had very stable caregivers (though when her dad died it was a traumatic violence against their whole community), so it's possible she'll be fine and a little distant from the drama, but I have a hard time getting in her head...
Thanks,
Numbed