Dear Jeannie: Crazy Crushes and Lack of Trust

Dear Jeannie,

Perry is a good-hearted, smart, and perfectly capable heir to his family's holdings. He's well-trained and self-possessed. Except around Rachel. Every time she moves, or breathes, or speaks, she sends him into an absolute frenzy of idiocy. She makes him clumsy, physically, but more often with the things he says and always putting himself in the wrong. Rachel has no patience for fools, and works around him when she has to put up with him. His current coping strategy is to shut up and hold still if she's in the room. This is not helping him win her over. The 'why' of this is partly a mystery. There's an element of attraction, but Perry's inability to work through that remains a bit of a puzzle for me. More relevantly, what can he do to get over his perpetual gobsmackedness around her? He's tried befriending her loved ones, fighting her enemies, and providing aid in whatever form he can, but she ignores, misconstrues, or takes enormous offense at his efforts. Perry would like to be able to talk to her, but his brains dribble out his ears in her presence.

Foolish in Farmingham


Dear Foolish,

Wowzer. Sounds like he's got one a heck of a crush. Its not unheard of for brains to fry in the presence of someone we greatly want to impress or have admire us. But I'd think Perry should have a few other exceptions to his self-possessed capability besides Rachel. A suggestion for more believability would be to have him feel incompetent (and/or actually be that way) around his mother or another woman who is commanding or he feels he has to perform to win her over. As to why he does this? The question made me laugh, as you created him that way. LOL! Using the behavioral therapy intervention of exposure, the idea would be that the more exposure he has to her, and the more gradual their interaction level (which makes sense in a romance), the less his anxiety would be. You're describing an anxiety response, and it should decrease over time, just like butterflies usually don't flutter quite so grand after you've been dating a while. If this doesn't happen, he'll be like Stan Marsh on South Park, who always barfs in front of Wendy Testaburger, the girls he likes. After a while, your reader will get tired of his inability to loosen up. Best of luck to you!


Dear Jeannie 

Skylar, who had previously been an introspective, thoughtful child prone to moments of distraction, was given wings as part of a magical experiment at the age of nine by a mage. Several of these "experiments" existed, and they formed a sort of youth club structure that Skylar found himself leaning on for support a lot. A stranger attacks their group, killing everyone else and breaking one of Skylar's wings (and preventing him from flying). He blames this attack on his sister because of her previous threats to tell about his wings. Now, at 15, Skylar is a bitter, mistrustful character who won't allow anyone but his two closest friends to get anywhere near him. Is this is a feasible reaction to what's happened to him and are there any other likely psychological effects? And since he loved flying and had almost learned to accept what had been done to him because of that passion, how would he have reacted to being unable to fly? 

Broken in Baltimore


Dear Broken,

Whether his sister was actually behind the attack, you didn't make clear, but regardless he'd have very little reason to trust people if he thinks his own sister would sell him out. So no, I don't think it's unreasonable that he'd be bitter and mistrustful. Actually, I questioned his ability to make friends with even two people after an event like this. How did that happen? If all the other experiments were killed, and they were his "safe zone," (a place where he fit in) and he doesn't know of any others like him, then I wouldn't see him making friends all that easily. Not being able to fly would be devastating to him. He was changed because of that passion, and then to have the one truly special thing about him (yes, granted, it was an experiment) taken away or altered, even for a short period of time, would usher in a grief reaction. He might be depressed and withdrawn. Probably sullen. He could even act out more, b/c he wouldn't have that outlet of expressing himself for a time. He might have wished not to be experimented on for a time, but to lose it would almost be like buyer's remorse...unless he thought he had a chance of being normal. You didn't mention that this was a possibility, though, since the wing was just broken and this implies a healing factor and eventual ability to fly again. At any rate, your's was a longer scenario to work with...so feel free to write back in if you have more questions. Thanks for writing in!

GOT QUESTIONS?

I might have some answers. Leave your comment below, anonymously, using monikers like Sleepless in Seattle. I'll post my responses in future Dear Jeannie columns.

The Almost Kiss: Tips to Give it the Punch It Deserves

I've been catching up on some of my shows now that my parents are gone and my daughter has turned five. (Note to self: birthday parties at home are WAY too much work. Stick with venues where there is a built-in activity.)

This past week, two of my favorite shows had the near-kiss episode. Beauty & the Beast and New Girl. You don't have to be familiar with these shows to enjoy the concept of the almost-kiss. But there's something to be learned about the psychological effect the missed kiss serves for the reader.

If the almost-kiss is done right, the reader will feel cheated, and maybe even mad at you as the author.

So how do you do it in such a way that you make readers pant for the real deal? Here's this therapist's tips on how to do it "right."

1) Do not write the scene too soon in the novel. 

Probably the worse thing you can do is have the characters in the almost-kiss predicament before the reader is emotionally invested in them. They need to know each other, have been through a difficult situation or had some laughs or history together. Virtual strangers about to kiss each other is as exciting as two people you don't know needing to get a room in a restaurant.

Why the near-kiss between Jess and Nick on New Girl worked so well is that the audience was fully, 100% invested in the two of them eventually ending up together. We have been rooting for it since the pilot episode last year. Having this felt tension between the two characters guarantees a tension in the reader.

2) Make the stakes incredibly high for each of them.

If the stakes aren't high for both, then it won't be as powerful a near-kiss. Jess is dating another guy. Nick is trying to get with another girl, which was the sole reason why they were playing the drinking game in the first place which landed them in their predicament. Finally Jess, who is tired of being cooped up in the closet, tells Nick to just kiss her and get it over with. They comically begin the dance to do just that, when Nick blurts, "Not like this!" to Jess, meaning he didn't want their first kiss to be the result of a drinking game.

Folks, that amped the tension up by ramping the stakes. Now Jess knows that this kiss would mean something to Nick...which means something to her. I was practically hyperventilating in my seat, wondering if they would or not!

3) Be creative about the interruption.

We've all seen shows and read books where someone walks in the room suddenly, or the phone rings, or there's a knock at the door, causing the couple to jump apart. In most cases, this lessens the impact of the near-kiss, because the reader is rolling their eyes. How convenient, they murmur under their breaths. Beauty & the Beast featured Catherine's sister walking in on them at the most inopportune time, which still ticked me off, but I was thinking that was the biggest cliche.

This is your chance to really shock them good with something out of the ordinary. Give it some thought. What would make the reader gasp even louder than they were planning to gasp had the characters melded their lips together after all?

4) Do not have too many almost-kiss scenes before the real deal.

Less is more. Once is enough. You don't want to be seen as teasing your readers along. I really appreciated an interview I read where Liz Meriweather, the director of New Girl, explained why she had Jess and Nick do more than just near-kiss in season 2. (They kiss at the very end of the same episode.) "Keeping them apart, at this point, felt more fake then bringing them together for me."

Since film is different from books, she went on to say that just because they kissed doesn't mean they will have a relationship. In a book, however, a reader will roll their eyes just as much if you dangle the carrot in front of them too many times. They will eventually throw the book down and say, "Enough already!"

Let's Analyze

Did any of you see Beauty & the Beast or New Girl when the near-kiss scenes happened? What did you think? Any other suggestions you'd like to see me add to my list?

And don't forget...you can still answer my How Does That Make You Feel question from last week and be entered to win a free mini-assessment of your character!

What Writers Can Learn From The Vampire Diaries

As most of you probably know, I have a vampire fetish of sorts. I dig them in any format: books, movies, television shows. I offered my firstborn begged and pleaded to be an extra in the Twilight series, but it was a no go. What do you think? Couldn't I totally pass for one of the Cullens...after they have been well-fed?

Don't tell me you don't think that's cool. I will let you know how to do it if you ask nicely. Anyway, moving on...

In one of the latest episodes of The Vampire Diaries (TVD), there was an incredible song featured at the end of it by Ross Copperman, called "Holding On and Letting Go." It has amazing lyrics, and I've been held captive by them all weekend. Here's the chorus:

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go

Can't every breathing person relate to that? It's nothing new for me to have an emotional experience while watching this show. Yes, some of it revolves around teenage angst and drama, but most of it is truly gripping stuff that pulls your heartstrings. (TVD fans unite!) And the music is nothing short of masterful in helping accomplish this.

This little beauty of a clip (from Season 3, Episode 10) resonated with me so much (I stalked the internet to find out who sang the song), that I took some time to analyze why. I believer there's a lot to glean for romance writers in particular.

1) It throws us a bone. I think those of us on Team Damon still have a ways to wait before things really heat up with him and Elena, but our hearts just sang with this kiss! It's not their first, but it's definitely the best. Just as we're beginning to despair--possibly grow uninterested--we get this firecracker romantic moment, and now I'm chomping at the bits for continuing episodes.

2) It keeps us guessing. This wasn't the perfect ending by any stretch. He's telling her he can't have her because she's "his brother's girl, and all," even though he definitely wants her Clearly, she is shaken by the kiss. He means something to her...but just what, we're not sure. The producers sure do play their cards close to the chest. They only reveal things little by little. (see #1)

3) It's one heck of a love triangle. Not every book, movie or show has to have one, of course, but many of the great ones have this built-in tension. The fact that Stephan is Damon's brother makes this triangle all the harder to swallow.

4) It takes us by surprise. Damon's, "No. No. You know what?" moment there at the very end to return and kiss Elena (so that he has something tangible to feel guilty for) isn't what we were expecting. But dang, don't we love it.

5) The mood matches the tone and vice versa. Since writers don't get to have accompanying music, we have to work harder at getting this mix right. Pacing is key here. The fact that the music swells into the silence of their kiss is amazing production--and amazing pacing, given that the song started minutes before during other scenes. If the audience isn't caught up in this, then they don't have a pulse.

Let's analyze: What other reasons do you think shows like The Vampire Diaries and dozens of others keep viewers tuning in week after week?

There's plenty of time to take my Writer's Quiz on whether listening to music while writing affects productivity. So click on over!