Mark has a problem. As a mature, kind person, he's been asked to help a foreign castaway adjust to his people's culture and language. The castaway is growing on him. She's sweet and smart and eager to please. But she, and the rest of Mark's society, are aware that her own people are coming for her. It may be next week, it might be ten years, but they will find her. The more of a claim Mark has on her, the greater the risk of disaster. His own people are concerned about Mark. Conception is difficult among their people, and he is wasting the best years of his life tutoring this little foreign girl when he could be married and starting a family. Problem is, he doesn't want anyone else. What factors are going to weigh heaviest in making a decision about this? Can he justify picking her over his own people? They like her fine, but she's not kin and she brings trouble. Should he choose her, what might influence them to agree?
Torn in Toronto
Dear Torn,
The answer to your question depends on a few things. How entrenched is Mark in his own culture? He doesn't seem to be a rule breaker by nature, or he wouldn't have been chosen to help the castaway. But the smart, introspective types have strong moral values and opinions, and are very prone to follow their heart purposefully. However, the more influence he has in his world, the more likely the others might be able to accept her, which would make his choice easier. Especially if he were to impart some knowledge to her that would end up benefiting the townspeople in some way, say, during a battle. You mentioned that he was mature, and that others thought he was wasting his prime years on the castaway. But does Mark a long history of girlfriends? Something tells me he doesn't. And that the reason he doesn't is that he is picky, perhaps. That would factor into his decision to choose the girl over his culture, because he might reason that no one in his culture has made his heart pound. Anyway, hope this helps. Thanks for writing in!
Dear Jeannie,
Owen's military father developed PTSD and an alcohol addiction which led to him abusing his wife and slapping around Owen and his two younger siblings during his worst episodes. After 10 years, his mother, a kind, loving woman, got a divorce and left with the younger two children. Owen loves the military and is ferociously loyal to his father, he's furious at his mother for (what he sees as) abandoning his mentally ill father and stealing the children. His mother wants to reconnect with Owen, but Owen absolutely despises her. He's a kind and generous individual, and I would like him to repair his relationship with his mother, but I cannot figure out how. He has brutally rebuffed all of her attempts to communicate, and he absolutely won't listen to his siblings discuss it. His father is likewise bitter at her for 'turning the other children against him,' and he encourages Owen's rebuffs. Any ideas?
Mystified in Mississippi
Dear Mystified,
Owen might need to see another family with a similar dynamic, one in which he'd be more aligned with the mother and the abused children, to be able to see the dynamic in his own family. When people are entrenched in a certain viewpoint (and Owen definitely is that), they can't see beyond that. To expect him to without some sort of outer intervention (i.e., a letter from his mom written before the divorce, or something similar you've seen in movies and read in books) or exposure to the harmful effects in another family would be like expecting an insane person to suddenly become sane. If he could grow close to a woman, perhaps older (not romantically, though he could be interested in the eldest daughter...that sort of thing) and could begin to see evidence of her husband's abuse and how it is negatively effecting his love interest and the maternal security he feels from this woman, he might be able to see his father for what he was, rather than idolizing him and putting him on pedestal. I'm happy to entertain any other questions below in the comment section about what I've suggested. Good luck!
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I might have some answers. Leave your question below, anonymously, using monikers like Sleepless in Seattle. I'll post my response in future Dear Jeannie columns.
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Anonymous · 572 weeks ago
Amanda studied to teach--she feels she has a lot to offer a classroom--but she doesn't want to wander far from home. Leaving to get certified was enough for her, and she'd rather stay closer to the nest now, thank you. The only opening nearby, however, is on an Indian reservation a couple hours away. Despite growing up in this town, being familiar with every nuance of local gossip and opinion, she is massively unprepared for working with the children. They bring their families' hard feelings to the school every day. Some of the parents and family members are actively hostile and very closely involved with their children's education.
Two questions: If she hated going away from home before, is fear going to be a significant problem for her? There are enough high tempers that violence *could* erupt (though she is an unlikely target for such action), but she comes from a fairly gentle home. Also, what can she be doing to work with the community to ease their hostility? This kind of thinking outside the box is a little outside her ken--and definitely mine!
Lynched in Laramie
Anonymous · 572 weeks ago
Gil was born into a wealthy, ambitious noble family, well connected enough to arrange a betrothal with one of their king's lesser daughters. Trouble was, the daughter had a mind of her own and a wicked right arm. She stoned Gil mercilessly whenever the family came to court, and often rounded up other family and young courtiers to assist. The engagement was called off once the parents realized that Gil and the princess would never reconcile. Gil, however, didn't let it go.
Fast forward twenty years, and Gil is staging civil war and making alliances with invaders. Revenge against the royal family (which he might call 'justice'--maybe) hardly seems reason enough to betray and destroy his own country. How did he get to this point? Gil's family wasn't particularly vicious about the failed betrothal. It's a blow to their ambitions, but they would rather have had their son whole than wed to a shrew in the making. What pushes him to do everything possible to destroy the royals?
Commoner in Caledonia
Krissy Blake · 572 weeks ago
Barrow is a young knight in a country ravaged by a never-ending war. His father is dead, and his cousin Aelor lives with him and his mother at court. Barrow idolizes his cousin; he wishes he could be as perfect and successful as him and does whatever he suggests. This often gets him in trouble, as Aelor is quite rebellious. (So really he isn't perfect; Barrow just thinks that everything he does is perfect.)
Suddenly and quite unexpectedly, Aelor betrays his family, his country, and everything he's ever known and joins the Evils, the antagonists in the war. Barrow is completely crushed. His childhood friend, mentor, and idol has abandoned him. Barrow refuses to look up to anyone after this, choosing instead to find his own way and be his own leader. This last problem causes conflict between him and my MC, the leader of the group.Is it realistic that Barrow shuns role models because of this betrayal?
Throughout the course of the story, he is always trying to prove himself to his father and Aelor, even though neither of them is around to see him. Does this happen to people who have lost someone they admire?
Hazy in Hutto
Krissy Blake · 572 weeks ago
Anonymous · 572 weeks ago
Roma is special, and she knows it. The only heir to a family with odd 'powers' they don't share with outsiders, she doesn't so much rely on her gifts and training as she does expect family and friends to spoil and shelter her. When her dependence on the protection and favor of others gets her into hot water, she lets her best friend rescue her. By marrying her.
She's not too young to marry, but she's definitely immature. And their rushed wedding now makes her a wife in an unfamiliar territory. She's not welcome, or wanted, by her husband's family.
I understand that she wants to hold on to the way she's used to thinking about things--not taking responsibility and letting her family's reputation carry her, and all--but I have got to make an adult out of her. She's not making friends with her new relatives, and she's not engaging in social and civic duties that might thaw her in-laws some. What will it take for her to put aside her childhood and accept her place as a woman? Also, she faces a lot of prejudice from her husband's family. What might warm them to her?
Thanks,
Shell-shocked in Charlotte
Anonymous · 572 weeks ago
Annie has hit a very strange crossroads in her life. She's been home-schooled by her quirky parents, who have given her a lot of freedom and support over the years. She has an intense, embarrassing crush on a boy she barely knows--a poet who helps her sometimes with her English homework. But, according to him, he has a serious girlfriend. Meanwhile, there is a wild-eyed jock who keeps showing up at her church and hitting on her. Even after his initial shock that Annie is missing a leg, this hottie keeps asking for her number and a date. She can't get him to leave her alone.
Annie's much more interested in the poet, but she can't figure out a way to break him and his girlfriend up. Or if she should even try. How can she murder and bury this unrequited attraction before it pushes her into destructive behavior? Or is that likely for a sheltered, reasonably-balanced girl? Does the jock have a chance of wearing down her resistance? Even back when I was a teenager, I didn't have these kinds of moral dilemmas.
Sandwiched in Sanditon
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