LinkedinTwitterThe DetailsConnectBlog Facebook Meet the TherapistHome For Writers

Monday, March 12, 2012

A Lesson in Subtext...for Men

Below are nine words women use...and what they actually mean. You men out there will thank me. You women out there will have to pick yourself off the floor, b/c this is absolutely hysterical. And true!

(1) "Fine"  
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) "Five Minutes" 
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
  (3) "Nothing"  
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
  (4) "Go Ahead" 
This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!!
(5) Loud Sigh 
This isn't actually a word, but it is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)  
(6) "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) "Thanks"  

A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'.. That will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) "Whatever"

Is a woman's way of saying...Go to the place where the sun don't shine...
  (9) "Don't worry about it, I got it" 
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

I wish I could claim this as original to me, but alas, my dear father sent it to me in one of his many forwards. I scoured the internet and found many renderings, but no origin. If anyone knows, please let me know in the comment section.

Happy Monday!

Let's Analyze: Any other words or phrases we could add to the list for our menfolk to learn from?