The Character Therapist: Why Are Holidays So Hard?

Monday, December 10, 2012

Why Are Holidays So Hard?

Around this time of year, we all seem to get a little more stressed out than usual. I heard the best explanation of why this might be this past week at a training, and I wanted to share it with my readers.

1) We don't live as close to the earth.

Image by marin @ freedigitalphotos.net

We didn't have electricity, so people basically followed the sun's pattern. Early to bed, early to rise. There was no Daylight Savings Time. People hibernated in the winter out of necessity. The climate, the environment tells us to "stay inside!" It's darker sooner, colder, wetter...all good reasons to stay inside.

Now, we have the hustle and bustle of the holidays that goes against this ingrained animal instinct to withdraw, snuggle up by the fire, and sleep. We have parties to attend, gifts to buy, dinners to cook, presents to wrap, places to go, people to see. It's counterintuitive to many, which explains why people can get so dysregulated during the holidays, even those who don't get into the Christmas spirit.

2) The entire holiday season has a "be of good cheer" motto.

Just look at the titles of well-known Christmas songs: Happy Holidays; We Wish You a Merry Christmas; Holly, Jolly Christmas; The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

Many people simply are not happy during the holidays, for a variety of reasons, all of which are normal. Maybe they live far away from relatives, or they lost someone during the holidays that makes enduring them very difficult. So when the entire world is telling you to be happy, merry, and jolly, this can bring your fairly normal, seasonal-affective-type depression into stark contrast with the lights and festivities and music.

I'm sure there are other reasons, some more individualistic than these, but this was eye-opening for me, and I hope it is to you as well. Come back Wednesday, as I'll have some steps to minimize holiday stress that I want to share.

Let's Analyze

Do you have any other ideas on why the holidays can be such a hardship for some?

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MSS · 641 weeks ago

I wonder how many people dislike this time of year because they're not Christians, or to put it more politically correctly, due to religious differences?

Although I notice more and more that there seems to be a very tenacious group of people who are determined to wipe out every religious word and symbol and make it a generic holiday. So in light of that struggle, maybe those who appreciate the religious value are getting sick of the holiday due to that. It can be stressful to feel that pressure even if it is underlying and not always out front.

1 reply · active 641 weeks ago

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jeanniecampbell 76p · 641 weeks ago

very astute analysis, MSS!

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keligwyn 52p · 641 weeks ago

I think the holidays can be tough because of unmet expectations. There is so much emphasis put on the importance of getting together with family, getting them time off work, getting the perfect tree, getting the tree up and decorations on it, getting the shopping done, getting the right presents for everyone on our lists, getting the presents wrapped, etc. When those things don't happen and our lovely images of the ideal Christmas don't materialize, we're disappointed. Perhaps learning to lower our expectations and enjoy the small things as well as the one BIG reason for Christmas--the birth of our Savior--would ease the disappointment for many of us.

1 reply · active 641 weeks ago

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jeanniecampbell 76p · 641 weeks ago

i think you'll be happy to read wednesday's post....as i definitely address expectations.

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sarahforgrave 41p · 641 weeks ago

Very eye-opening, Jeannie. A loved one of mine is suffering from severe depression right now, and I know the holiday season will probably make it even harder. This explanation helps me understand better.

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jeanniecampbell 76p · 641 weeks ago

glad to help, sarah!

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Stacy · 641 weeks ago

For those of us who have health problems, this time of year can be really difficult. Often we can't participate in all the things we would like to -- the parties, the family things, shopping is difficult, etc. And people who don't have health issues don't usually understand. As you said, it's all about Good Cheer! Be Merry! etc ... and that's hard to do when you're missing out on things you wish you could be part of. This year I've been able to do more of those things, but I'm still incredibly exhausted afterward, which means it's harder to feel like decorating the house or even do online shopping. And for those of us who also have a lot of "food issues" (allergies, intolerances, etc), there's the whole thing of not being able to eat the fabulous food everyone is making. I can't eat the cookies, drink the eggnog, any of that because of sugar and wheat intolerances. So sometimes I feel a little gypped that I can't enjoy all the same things "normal," healthy people can.

1 reply · active 641 weeks ago

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jeanniecampbell 76p · 641 weeks ago

i never once thought about this perspective. thanks for chiming in and being so candid.