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Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Therapist Funnies - You will SMILE!

Just for your enjoyment, a few therapist funnies to make you smile:

                                                  Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? 
                                                  A: Just one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change. 


A man is walking along the street when he is brutally beaten and robbed. He lies unconscious, bleeding. While he is lying there, a police officer passes by, but crosses to the other side of the road, without trying to help. A boy scout troop does the same, as do a number of pedestrians.

Finally, a therapist walks by, and runs up to the man. He bends down and says, "My God! Whoever did this needs help."


During a session, a psychotherapist says to his client, "Today we're going to try and analyze your Freudian slips. See, a Freudian slip is when you want to say something but you make a funny mistake and say something slightly different. The analysis of such a mistake can lead to some emotions you're in conflict with, some bad memories from your childhood, and so on. Have you made any such funny mistakes lately?"
The client thinks a moment, and responds, "You know Doc, yeah. I made a funny mistake while talking to my mother. I was eating dinner with her and I wanted her to pass the salad, but instead I said: 'You stupid witch, you ruined my life, I hate you.'"


Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear. 


Top 10 Signs a Therapist is Approaching Burn-out:

10) You think of the peaceful park you like as "your private therapeutic milieu."
9) You realize that your floridly psychotic patient, who is picking invisible flowers out of mid air, is probably having more fun in life than you are.
8) A grateful client, who thinks you walk on water, brings you a small gift and you end up having to debrief your feelings of unworthiness with a colleague.
7) You are watching a re-run of the Wizard of Oz and you start to categorize the types of delusions that Dorothy had.
6) Your best friend comes to you with severe relationship troubles, and you start trying to remember which cognitive behavioral technique has the most empirical validity for treating this problem.
5) You realize you actually have no friends, they have all become just one big case load.
4) A co-worker asks how you are doing and you reply that you are a bit "internally preoccupied" and "not able to interact with peers" today.
3) Your spouse asks you to set the table and you tell them that it would be "countertherapeutic to your current goals" to do that.
2) You tell your teenage daughter she is not going to start dating boys because she is "in denial," "lacks insight," and her "emotions are not congruent with her chronological age."

And, the number one reason a therapist may be burning out...

1) You are packing for a trip to a large family holiday reunion and you take the DSM-IV with you just in case.

Some of these rang true...happy Wednesday!

Don't forget to enter the giveaway for Janice Thompson's new release, Stars Collide. Click here!

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1 comment:

Shannon said...

That is so awesome! I've had to save a few aside for later reference. Thanks!

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Both comments and questions are welcome. I hope you enjoyed your time on the couch today.