T3 - 2 Types of Forgiveness

When hurt and bitterness creep into our characters' lives, how do authors "fix" it for them before the end of the book?

Today I thought I'd tweak my very first Thursday Therapeutic Thought post, as I think I had all of five followers back then (most of whom were relatives!). Forgiveness, or the lack thereof, is often written about, lamented over, and withheld from others. It's a part of life, a choice we can make for ourselves, but can't make for someone else, and therein lies the rub.

There are two types of forgiveness I want to concentrate on.

1) Restoration Forgiveness. This is the type that we most often want to encounter, but often eludes us fully. To have restoration is to have complete healing of the breach between two parties. Something as final as death or as inconvenient as geography can prevent this from happening. In its most ideal state, it looks like this:

1) Character A offends Character B
2) Character B chooses to forgive A
3) Character A acknowledges their wrongdoing and accepts the forgiveness
4) Relationship between A and B is healed

The symbol for this type of forgiveness can be two people hugging one another.


2) Release Forgiveness. This is when one party "lets go" of the hurt. When the relationship will never reach full restoration, release--or letting go--is the next best thing. It's harder to experience than Restoration, and as a result, many never quite make it through the entire process, choosing instead to hold on to their offense and grudge. Compare to the above:

1) Character A offends Character B
2) Character B chooses to forgive A
3) Character A never acknowledges their wrongdoing
4) Character B chooses to release Character A

It is very important, if one of your characters has this type of problem, to have someone acknowledge their hurt. If Character A never acknowledges the hurt, then Character B may never move on. A third party, though, (in many cases, a therapist, a close friend, or perhaps even a descendant or relative of Character A) can help tremendously by just acknowledging the hurt, which in turn helps Character B in releasing it.

Before release is a possibility, the hurt has to be recognized and validated as an authentic, he/she-shouldn't-have-done-that hurt. Emotional health and healing will never occur as long as the bitterness is inside.

Application for Writers:

If you have one of your characters suffering from a hurt that hasn't been acknowledged, either by the wrong-doer or someone else, the chances of this character coming to a believable healing by the end of the book isn't feasible. Psychology tells us so. :)

Q4U: Since it's not always possible to have restoration (due to death, geography, unwillingness of the wrong-doer), what are some creative ways to have the character feel the acknowledgment besides the wrong-doer coming out and saying it?

I'll start:

Finding a lost letter or journal from the deceased wrong-doer that poignantly lets Character A know that Character B had tremendous regret over what they did.