The Therapist Is Out

We Have a Winner!

The winner of Kaye Dacus' A Case for Love is....Lynnet (Mom2Three)!

Thanks for entering everyone!

T3 - Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs - Safety Needs

Last week, we covered the Basic Needs that form the foundation of Maslow's pyramid. This week, the next step up is to Safety Needs.

Safety Needs encompasses the need for security, stability, and protection. After Basic needs are taken care of in order to survive, it frees a person's mind to think about "higher" order concerns, fears, or anxieties. People generally want some structure, order, and limits in their world. They want predictability and familiarity.

At this level, most adults focus on the four types of safety/security:

1) Their person and/or family/belongings. This is when people put alarm systems on their house or car or when they implement a neighborhood watch system. They might feel the need to carry a firearm or conceal one at their home. You might install motion detection lights outside your front door and password-protect your laptop. Some will keep safes hidden away under tables or behind pictures or will keep a lock box at a bank where they'll put their most precious belongings. People also appreciate grievance procedures developed on many different levels (government, work, church) that are in place to protect an individual from maltreatment.

2) Their financial security. Adults generally seek out jobs that will give them the most security, and if that comes along with making the most money possible, even better. People will save money in savings account, invest in mutual funds, start a ROTH IRA, or horde a nest egg away on their own in a piggy bank masquerading as a book in their library.

3) Their health/well-being. You only get one body, and while you can alter it considerably with surgeries and the like, you better have dang good insurance to do so. In order to protect themselves again the adverse effects of being really ill, or breaking bones, or having cancer, people have to have insurance or some other social program (Obama's health care reform hadn't exactly been envisioned by Maslow at this time) to fall back on.

4) Their future. The argument could be made that all of the above greatly effect a person's future, and you'd be right. People seem to enjoy planning for when the time will come when they won't have to work and can just enjoy their lives doing what they want to do. In order to do this, though, things have to be put in place while they are still working, like having a good retirement plan. Its important to have a safety net (or as Dave Ramsey likes to say, an "emergency fund") for when there might be a major accident or illness that would have negative impacts.

So how does this apply to writers?

The importance of the two levels we covered last week and today is this: a person can't fully give of themselves to others (in true friendship, romantic love, and intimacy) before these needs are met. It wouldn't make sense for a character to only pines for love when they don't have a basic need or safety need met beforehand.

If you think back to what you've written in previous books or manuscripts, you'll likely see that you've already done this. You probably have heroines/heroes who already have stable jobs and ready access to food (ha! I'm sure most have never put thought to this!) before they look to get romantically involved. :)

But the higher we go on the pyramid, the more interesting the nuances become for writers. Stay tuned!

Q4U: Can you think of any characters from books or movies that bypassed one of the first two levels on the pyramid to seek out romantic love?

One that comes to my mind is Bella Swan from Twilight. Any other takers?

Treatment Tuesday - Abuse Cycle Elements

This week's assessment comes from Hayley. She's writing about Alana*, a girl who has experienced a fair share of neglect and abuse from a very young age. She eventually ran away from home and became a beggar in a major city before she fell in with a gang, where she is grouped with Corban*, the antagonist who is 10-years older than Alana. Corban takes a liking to Alana, but when she doesn't reciprocate, he pursues her more forcefully, and his intent grows from an infatuation to an obsession over several years.

Alana finds herself in an abusive relationship with Corban as progressive incidents of physical and verbal abuse maker her increasingly complacent. She adopts a survival mentality, accepting a lesser pain to avoid the greater and to cooperate rather than anger him. Her addiction to alcohol increases as a means of escape, as well as occasional use of opiates. She hates him, is terrified of him, yet he holds an incredible sway over her image of self-worth now. When Corban nearly rapes her, she flees at the age of 17. The novel starts 2 years later when she circumstances force her back to the city and get her involve with the gang and Corban again.

* Names have been changed to protect the fictional.

Hayley wants to know several things:

1) Does it make sense that Alana tries to avoid, fight, or resist Corban in their scenes together, but also has a level of complacence after several years of his abuse? 2) What are the side-effects of this type of abuse? 3) Do the presence of drugs/alcohol make sense? To what degree? 4) Is it believable for Corban to still have so much influence over Alana after two years apart, and how difficult would that be to overcome during the course of the novel? 5) Would it be believable for a romantic subplot to take place during all of this, helping her towards greater self-worth and showing her such treatment isn't normal?

This is a lot to cover, so I'll jump right in. What you're writing is tricky, mainly because you are making it clear to the reader that Alana doesn't want to be with Corban. In order for the domestic violence (also called interpersonal violence now) cycle to work, there is that vital link of the abused actually being co-dependent on the abuser that's implied, yet that's missing from what you've described. She doesn't want to be with him at all, but he's pressed her into submission anyway?

My initial thoughts for question #1 are this: either you're going to have to have Alana's motivation to stay in the gang be so compelling that she'd rather deal with Corban than the awful, dangerous, life-threatening alternative waiting for her outside the gang, OR you'll need to write in an initial attraction of Alana to Corban (which I think would work because she's young and impressionable, and he's older, maybe handsome...) that changes a bit when she realizes that he's not very stable with his emotions.

The situation as you've described it is totally appropriate for domestic violence (DV) situations, given that the abused actually CARES for the abuser in a co-dependent kind of way. Let's just say Alana actually did have feelings for Corban initially, but they get buried in fear as he becomes increasingly possessive and aggressive. You can set the story up for a traditional DV situation with just one little tweak. There are a few things missing for this to fit into Stockholm Syndrome, as well, because generally, victims/hostages with Stockholm come to love/respect their abusers, and you don't have Alana doing that, either.

If there isn't something added or tweaked, the reader might be suspicious...I mean, why the heck doesn't she just LEAVE him if she doesn't have some sort of residual feelings/attraction for him? (Let's face it...this is the question we always ask of women who are in DV.) The important difference being for Alana is that you have her not liking Corban at all with no reciprocation of his feelings...so it would bound to raise this question in the reader's mind as it did in mine. One-sided relationships don't quite fit the bill for the cycle of abuse, of that makes sense.

You did write that she "still responds if he's kind." In the cycle of abuse, women generally want to believe the abuser when he swings back to the honeymoon phase. When he says he'll never hit her again, or destroy something meaningful to her, she believes it because she desperately needs to believe it. By doing so, she gives validation to her remaining with him as long as she has. If there isn't some redeeming factor about the guy, women probably would leave quicker. As it is, the national statistic is that women leave an abusive relationship an average of eight times before they leave it for good.

So that sets up the situation of Alana coming back to the city/gang/Corban very nicely (question #4). He's still have a great influence over here, even after 2 years. Women who have been in these type situations never forget the feelings of inferiority and helplessness. It'd be akin to shrugging into a coat of oppressive memories again, and all too easy to slip back into that mindset.

The side effects (#2) of abuse to this degree are serious. Women who are abused as a child often end up in abusive relationships, accepting this type of treatment as the norm. Using alcohol and drugs (#3) to escape their present circumstances and past trauma is totally feasible and psychologically appropriate (in that it makes sense, not in that I'd recommend it to a client!). They have trouble with long-term relationships a lot, as well as with intimacy once they've found a great guy. Lots of PTSD can be involved in their day-to-day lives, flashbacks, avoidance of certain places, etc. (And men who have been abused in their childhood are more likely to become abusers as adults...so not sure how Corban lines up with this, but of course, this isn't 100% necessary.)

As to question #5, whether it's feasible for a romantic subplot to happen, my answer is that it's feasible, but probably not within the same novel. Maybe you could hint at an attraction to someone else, an attraction she's scared of, but I'd save delving into it for a sequel. In reality, it takes a while for women who have been abused to trust again. But a hint or two wouldn't at all be inappropriate, because the reader will want to have some hope that she will eventually see that there are better ways to be treated and that she won't settle for something less. After leaving Corban, she needs to have a strong inner resolve that she'll never settle or get involved in something like that again. Once she returns, this resolve will be tested, but perhaps interactions with this other man will fortify it? You could go different directions here...just think about it.

Okay...all for now! Any other questions, please ask! You have a lot going on in this story that a lot of women will be able to relate to, which is great. Good luck with it!

This service is for fictional characters only, so any resemblance to real life examples is entirely coincidental. Any other fictional character assessment questions can be directed to charactertherapist (at) hotmail (dot) com.

You can still enter to win Kaye Dacus' A Case for Love by clicking here!

Kaye Dacus' A Case for Love Review and Giveaway!

The third installment in the Brides of Bonneterre series features some heavy issues into which I was happy to therapeutically delve. Here's a blurb from Kaye Dacus's website:

The Alaine Delacroix that all of Bonneterre knows is the carefully polished image she puts forth every day on her noontime news-magazine program. When her parents’ home and small business is threatened by the biggest corporation in town, Alaine is forced to choose between her image and fighting for the life her family has built.

Lawyer Forbes Guidry is used to making things go his way. But when he’s asked to take on a pro bono case for a colleague, he’ll learn that he can’t control everything—including his feelings for his new client: Alaine Delacroix.

Alaine’s only option to help her family is hiring Forbes, but can she bring herself to trust the handsome, disarmingly charming lawyer? And will Forbes Guidry be able to make a case for love before losing his job and family? Can both trust that God will present a solution before it’s too late?

Kaye's Bonneterre series has a strength in grounding the reader in a setting and culture, that while fictional, does exist in southern Louisiana. She's clearly done her research (check her website for info), and for someone who lived three years in New Orleans, I felt a bit like I was back there, reading the French names and wondering how the heck you're supposed to be able to pronounce them! (Kaye even helps readers out with phonetically proper pronunciations, though, so no worries.)

So, donning the therapist cap, let's take a look at the deeper issues Kaye brings to light within the confines of her lighthearted and often humorous romance.

Kaye's leading man, Forbes, is a control freak. The thing is, though, is that he admits it, which makes him one of the worst kind of control freaks out there: the kind that unrepentantly makes the choice to be. Forbes gets involved in his family's business on a regular basis. Part of that is because he's a lawyer, and his family uses his services for convenience.

But Forbes takes things too far, and often has to apologize, only to do something else again. Kaye handles this issue well, because by the end of the book, God forces Forbes to come to the conclusion in his character arc that God is in control, not him. He can't go around playing Holy Spirit Jr. and usurping God's role in his life (and others). The beauty of getting to this breaking point is when you realize how much God can bless you through the thin place. Forbes experiences this, and it just makes you smile.

Forbes is faced with the worst kind of decision about mid-way through the book, as he learns information about a particular legal dealing his parents are involved in. He comes to the conclusion that his parents are on the "wrong" side of things, and he makes the difficult decision to go up against them (and his own firm).

This book will resonate with anyone because of this storyline. Who hasn't struggled with the biblical edict to honor your father and mother (Exodus 20:12) when what you think they are doing isn't honorable? Does God want blind obedience to the rule, or would he prefer obedience to the spirit of the rule? Forbes wrestles with this, and Kaye does a great job of showing his hesitation, his resolve, and the aftermath that ensues as he effectively cuts himself out of his close-knit family for taking the stand he does.

He's also faced with losing everything to make this one stand. He feels God's assurance that he's doing the right thing, but yet he feels the costly sacrifice that comes with doing the right thing as well. He stands to lose his relationship with his parents, his job at a prestigious law firm, his love for nice clothes, etc. Not all of us might have had to face something that would so definitively change our lives, but many of us have, and my sympathies went to Forbes as I recalled my own experiences.

In conclusion, Kaye has written characters that are relatable, likable, and therefore memorable. An excellent book to curl up with and enjoy...and it can be yours!

To enter the giveaway, please leave a comment below with your email address written so spammers can't get it (ex: charactertherapist (at) hotmail (dot) com). The rules are simple:

1) If you are already a follower, you will be entered twice in the drawing.
2) If you become a new follower, you will be entered three times!
3) If you refer a follower my direction, your name goes in the pot two more times! (Just tell me who you referred.)

Giveaway ends on Friday! Best of luck to everyone!

Articles Published This Month

This month, I am blessed to have three articles published!

My usual column at Christian Fiction Online Magazine features my article "Bipolar: Research It Before You Use It." I also had the privilege of writing the "Author by Night" column as well.

My monthly SAGE Girls' Ministry column, Parent Pointers, features "Keepin' It Real," how to apply God's word instead of merely hearing it.

Hope you enjoy them.

Have a fantastic weekend, and I'll see you back here on Monday for a chance to win Kaye Dacus' new release, A Case for Love!

T3 - Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs - Basic Needs

What does some guy named Abraham Maslow have to offer writers about how to develop their characters?

SO glad you asked!

After recently brushing up on human motivation theory (no need to bore you with details, but there it is if you want to Google it), I realized that this simple little pyramid developed by Maslow might help us figure out just what our characters want.

Maslow's theory was that there is a hierarchy, or pecking order, of human needs. In turn, I thought how appropriate to apply this to our character's lives. My plan for this new series is to start at the bottom of his pyramid, since these needs are what comes first, and then work my way up a level each week.

So this week we start at Basic Needs.

Basic needs are the primary things a person needs to survive, like air, water, and food. If forced to choose between water and food, a person will instinctively choose water, because a body can live for weeks without food, but only days without water. Water is a stronger need than food. If being strangled in a banquet hall full of food and you are starving, you're going to opt to try to breathe rather than try to stuff your mouth. Air is a baser need than water.

The body needs certain salts, proteins, sugars, and vitamins and minerals, as well. If our body is low on sugar, then we crave cakes and cookies. If it's low on salt, we want potato chips. If we're low on vitamin C, we want things high in vitamin C, like orange juice. Keeping a pH balance is also important, as allowing our body to get too acidic or too base will kill us. We also have the need to excrete wastes (whether it's carbon dioxide through breathing, sweat, urine or #2), avoid pain, sleep, and be active.

Humans also need to maintain their body temperature right at or pretty darn close to 98.6. If your character is thrown overboard off the shore of Northern California without a wetsuit, he won't last 30 minutes. So keeping his temperature high, as well as not drowning--which would interfere with his need for air--becomes the A-1, top priority. Nothing else will matter.

One could (and Maslow did) make an argument for sex to be included here, as well as sleep. The sexual drive in humans is strong, and studies have been done that show sexual drive can literally drain energy away from other goals. I believe this drives womanizers. They don't need the higher need of love and belonging, but they can't deny their sexual desires, so they don't even attempt to try.

There is also the lesser, basic need for clothing and shelter, although the human body could still exist without these. They still fall into this category, however.

How does this apply to writers?

SO glad you asked!

In reality, if you have a heroine who is starving, or freezing, or being deprived sleep or food...she isn't going to be wondering at that particular time if they might possibly be in love with the hero or if their 401k is growing fast enough. When a person is deprived of basic needs, the basic need becomes a priority. It's just not realistic to have them musing, reflecting, or speculating about so-called "higher" needs.

In Maslow's on words, "For the man who is extremely and dangerously hungry, no other interests exist but food. He dreams food, he remembers food, he thinks about food, he emotes [feels] only about food, he perceives only food and he wants only food."

This is in the moment, of course. As soon as the need is satisfied, the character will have other, higher needs replace it (see the pyramid). We'll be covering these higher needs in future posts, so stay tuned!